


The Chicago Trials

by ArloPond



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-25 15:17:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2626466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArloPond/pseuds/ArloPond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New life, new beginning, right? But what if the memories you have of your previous life are just a big lie? <br/>Newt couldn’t possibly know that he didn’t really grew up in Chicago and not even his strange dreams could convince him otherwise, not until he met some familiar faces who added to the confusion of him being Divergent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

WICKED Memorandum; Date 232.1.33, Time 21:33

TO: Ava Paige, Chancellor

FROM: Amelia O’Mara

UPDATE AFTER THE MAZE TRIALS, Group B

  

_All subjects of Group B have been placed inside the city without further complications._

_Their memories have been wiped and they have been given a new history._

_The Bureau has been contacted and the experiment is ready to proceed._


	2. Choosing Day

Amity had been Newt’s home for all those years since his parents died. He was born amongst them and grew up in the peaceful society free from conflict and sadness like his parents before him. An accident took his parents when he was really young but the whole faction was his family so the boy was raised in the harmony of Amity. From time to time he’d catch himself being harsh to others or pick a fight with his classmates over something little, think in a different way about the whole system. Some things just didn’t make sense to him and when the Aptitude Test revealed that he’d fit into three factions, _Amity, Abnegation_ and _Dauntless_ , the nightmare had just started.

_Divergent_ \- the word started to haunt him and Newt didn’t have a clue how to survive the next day: _Choosing_ _Day_ , what should he choose and how could he ever make such a difficult decision because the guy that took his test told him to keep quiet and tell nobody about his results, he kinda scared him with his words but he did as he was told trying to avoid conflict as he’d been taught his whole life. The whole night Newt was awake rolling from one side of his bed to the other thinking about what decision he should make. Staying in Amity would be the simple solution, he grew up here, had family and friends here – he just belonged here even though the test told him otherwise – at least in a way. How could he ever abandon his faction? But then again something felt not quite right: Newt remembered an argument with one of his classmates just a few days ago. It was about an article in the newspaper and how Erudite really thought about Abnegation – it was just wrong to accuse another faction of such horrible things.

It seemed like the shortest and yet the longest night of his entire life. The dream about the Maze had again haunted the few minutes he was able to sleep, the horrible noises still ringing in his ears as he slowly climped out of his bed. Everyone else was still sleeping but Newt wasn’t able to stay in bed a second longer so he just got up to get a shower and then to take a walk outside through the fields. The blonde sometimes just needed time on his own and the fields were empty at this time of the day. The sun wasn’t up yet but the horizon was already illuminated in yellow and orange shades. Newt sat down leaning against one of the many trees just trying to think about nothing, especially not the Choosing Ceremony that was just a few hours away. It was hard because his test results always popped back into his head and the word _Divergent_ \- he hated it.

Just a few minutes later, well it felt like just a few minutes, other people began to appear on the fields which meant that the day had begun so Newt made his way back to the main compound. For a few moments he just stood in his room looking round, for all he knew this could be the last time he would ever be in here and it was kinda scary but then again he knew that whatever decision he’d make it would be his and he’d have to live with it. About half an hour later he was sitting beside some of his classmates on a truck into the city, they all were wearing their nicest clothes and they were all talking to each other mostly to distract themselves from what lie ahead. Newt was chatting with one of his best friends Mara with which he grew up together she’d always been there for him, as long as he could remember. Her parents took him in after his parents died and they practically grew up in one house.

 

The hall was filled with people every seat was taken as it grew quieter as the ceremony began. Newt wasn’t really paying attention he was too lost in his thoughts thinking about what he should choose and what consequences each decision would have but the blonde wasn’t any closer to finding the right way to go when someone started to call out his classmates one by one. Not until Mara stood up beside him Newt realised that the real ceremony had already began and that some of his former classmates had already chosen their new home. Mara smiled at Newt one last time before she walked up the stairs and got handed the knife. There was such a security in his friends’ eyes as she stepped forward and let her blood drop onto the earth for Amity – she was staying in their old faction.

A shudder carved its way through his body as he watched Mara walk over to sit with the other Amity’s - his home too or was it? Newt wasn’t sure and he hated to be not sure, not in control over his own decisions because he had no clue was would happen when they’d call his name. _"Isaac Newton"_ echoed through the hall and Newt’s heart nearly stopped for a moment as he merely jumped off his seat way too fast. The blonde took a deep breath and followed the path his best friend had just taken up the stairs towards the man who handed him the knife that would probably change his life forever.

For a moment Newt just stared at the knife in his hands before he walked up the few steps to the bowls in the front. There was the earth for Amity and just besides the coals for Dauntless and the stones for Abnegation – how could he possibly choose? His eyes moved from bowl to bowl as the blonde stepped forward, the hall was quiet and he knew that every eye was locked onto him but he tried to blend it out because he had enough problems right in front of him. It stung as Newt moved the knife over the skin of his hand cutting into his flesh probably a bit too deep but he just clenched his teeth as he made a fist trying to hold the blood in as long as he could.

Just a moment later the blood dropped from his hand onto the hot coals making a hissing noise, somehow Newt couldn’t remember moving his hand over the Dauntless bowl but something had kinda guided him or told him to choose what he had just chosen. All of a sudden applause echoed through the hall and Newt looked up still a bit stunned from what he’d just done. Without another thought the blonde just walked down the stairs again joining his new faction that welcomed him with shouts and claps onto his shoulder and back. On his way over he met Mara’s gaze, she smiled at him and just nodded her head slightly, she’d always supported and defended him in any decision he made even if they got into trouble because of it and she’d be there for him even now that he chose to leave the person closest to a sister he’d ever have. 


	3. Are you sure about this?

The getting onto the train wasn’t even the difficult part, Newt had jumped on and off trucks on the Amity farms him whole life but when it was time to get off the train had picked up a lot of speed. The buildings outside where merely flying by when their instructor Alec said that they should prepare to get off. Of course Newt knew how crazy the Dauntless were climbing onto buildings without safety measures, jumping off things that were way too high for normal people and he’d also seen them jump off the train every morning when they came to school but he hadn’t actually thought that this’d be the first thing he’d have to do after choosing his new faction.

_"You look pale as a buggin’ fish stranded on land…"_ a voice beside Newt said and as he looked at the boy’s face something familiar was in it as if he’d seen him before but Newt couldn’t remember where. The Amity boy just shrugged it off with telling himself that he might have seen him round school somewhere or perhaps he was one of the leader’s kids. _"You’re from Amity, aren’t you? Minho. Candor. Never thought any of you Amities would ever have the guts to transfer anywhere especially not Dauntless. You sure you didn’t make the wrong decision?"_ the guy wanted to know offering Newt his hand but the blonde hesitated for a moment till the Asian guy shot him a smile. Obviously he was just joking but Newt knew Candor and their direct way of saying things nobody actually wanted to know, not that the people of Amity were always lying but they were allowed to even though they never really did. _"Newt, and yes I’m from Amity. Right decision or not, I’m here now. Seems like you aren’t so sure yourself - as yellow as you are"_ Newt retorted with a grin on his lips shaking the guys hand before the train hit a sharp corner making Newt nearly crash into the wall but he was able to get a hold of a metal pole in the middle of the train to support himself.

Before Minho was able to reply the guy that had let them onto the train began to speak again. _"When I say jump, you jump, got that?"_ Alec said with a cold and kinda annoyed voice as he scanned the crowd of Dauntless transfers in front of him. _"And what if we don’t?"_ a male voice asked from behind Newt who just peeked over his shoulder to see a tall guy with short hair. _"Then you can get off at the next station: Factionless sector"_ the instructor retorted still with his cold and annoyed voice before just turning to ignore the initiates again. The guy didn’t seem to really care about what they were doing so Newt turned to face Minho again as he began to speak. _"Nice guy… Seems like we’re going to be Factionless sooner then expected"_ Minho joked as he looked out of the open door of the train who seemed to still pick up speed.

_"Okay, jump"_ the Dauntless guy said but the whole train hesitated when they saw that between the building they had to jump on and the train was at least one and a half metre of nothing. _"You sure we’re at the right place?"_ a guy beside Newt asked but the instructor just shook his head and jumped out of the train as he’d never done anything else. Newt looked over at Minho who just shrugged but obviously wasn’t so sure about this whole thing himself anymore. Then the Amity boy stepped forward to the edge of the train thinking about all the times he’d jumped of the trucks in the Amity compound and as people beside him began to jump off the train he just did the same. Newt hit the ground on the roof hard as he tried to just run the jump off but he landed on his bad leg which he’d totally forgotten about to this point. A pain carved its way through the boys body as he made a face before he finally stopped running, Minho coming to a halt beside him on the ground.

All of a sudden a shriek echoed through the air and Newt didn’t have time to get comfortable with his hurt ankle before a girls sobbing followed behind him. Obviously the shriek had come from the blonde girl who was kneeling at the edge of the roof, hands over her mouth as she stared down between the building and the tracks of the train. Minho was the first to move and Newt followed him without hesitation as the Candor stepped forward to check out what had happened. A peek over the edge and Newt knew exactly what happened: Another girl, Newt could just see the long brown hair slightly moving in the wind, was lying face first about ten metres down on another building. Her head was dangling over the edge while one of her feet had taken a really strange position. Nothing looked normal about the girl anymore but when Newt stared down at the blonde the feeling inside him was kinda familiar as if he’d seen people die before and it felt strange – he did care that somebody had just died, a lot even but he also knew that he wasn’t able to change anything about it.

_"Let’s move it"_ their instructor said and didn’t even bother to look at the dead girl as he gestured to the other side of the roof. They had to jump off another building into the unknown through a whole in the ground but it wasn’t as hard as when their instructor told the girl who’d been crying for the dead brunet to either stop and move on or become Factionless and even though she decided to get herself together the Dauntless guy looked at her and just shook his head, obviously thinking she wouldn’t last long.

 

Finally inside the compound they got a small tour before their instructor showed them to their rooms well room because they all had to sleep in one big room, girls and boys alike. After that he explained some rules they had to follow and gave them an overview of the initiation process before he told them that they had the rest of the day off to settle in. _"We should totally get something to eat, I’m starving"_ Minho said rubbing his stomach after they’d all finally claimed their beds and it was already time for dinner anyway. _"Yeah, I’m starting to feel hungry too"_ Newt said as he followed Minho towards the door but saw the blonde girl from before sitting on alone on one of the beds, she still looked horrible. _"You okay? Wanna join us for dinner? I’m Newt by the way. That’s Minho"_ he just said as he stopped in front of her bed pointing at the Asian guy already at the door. The girl looked up her eyes were still swollen from the crying and first she was about to shake her head but Newt wouldn’t let that happen.

_"Come on, let’s get you something to eat"_ he just said and grabbed her hand as he pulled her up and towards the door. She didn’t refuse and just stumbled along. _"What’s your name?"_ Minho asked as they walked down the corridor towards the dining hall. _"Colette…"_ she just said looking down while she walked between the two of them. _"Nice, can I call you Col? I’ll just call you Col. Who was the bunette girl?"_ he wanted to know not even taking a breath before asking her about the dead girl. Newt shot him a nasty look but the question was already out. Colette hesitated but eventually answered his question. _"Davina, my best friend…"_ she explained still not really looking at the two boys. _"Damn… what a shame… sorry, seriously. You’re from Erudite, right?"_ Minho questioned further and Newt was about to hit him because he saw how hard it was for the girl, who just nodded her head, to talk right now but they finally reached the dining hall and all the people in there drowned out their voices for a moment.

_"You think they were serious when they said that only ten of us are going to make it?"_ Minho wanted to know when they finally got food and found three empty places at a table. Newt shrugged slightly. _"He sounded pretty serious if you ask me"_ the Amity transfer retorted as he started to eat the strange things on his plate. Colette was just sitting beside them not really touching the food Minho picked for her, she still looked totally crushed but how else would you look if your best friend just died? _"I just couldn’t overhear your question back there. You’re one of the transfers, right?"_ a girl with long dark hair and burning blue eyes just a seat beside Newt wanted to know while she looked at Minho who just nodded in response. _"Yeah, and you’re obviously from Dauntless as I can see"_ Minho retorted pointing at a tattoo on her neck peeking out from under her shirt. _"Yep, name’s Teresa. That’s Har and Tom"_ the girl said pointing out a girl and a boy beside her. The girl waved at them with a bright smile on her face, the boy first just looked at Colette and then Minho obviously examining them, his expression changed however when his eyes met Newt’s.

Newt looked up from his plate when Teresa introduced her friend’s that was the moment when he met the Dauntless boy’s eyes. A flash of recognition shot through the blonde’s body combined with another feeling he couldn’t possibly describe, not in that moment anyway. Obviously Newt’s sight had thrown the other boy off track as well because he hesitated for a moment before looking away as did Newt when he felt his cheeks warming up even thought he had no explanation for why. _"I’m Thomas just Teresa calls me Tom and she’s a pain in the ass most of the time"_ the dark haired boy said with a chuckle and nudged Teresa with his elbow. _"Yeah, yeah I know I love you too"_ Teresa just said and rolled her eyes as she turned to face Minho again. _"Obviously we’re in the same initiation class so just wanted to confirm your suspicions from before. Just ten of us’re going to make it and we’re already nine so if you aren’t even half as good as our weakest then you’re out before you can say Dauntless"_ Teresa just said and winked at Minho with a grin on her face but then began to laugh.

_"Eh don’t be crushed now, I’m sure you’re really good at whatever you do, we’re just… well better?"_ she added followed by a punch to her upper arm from Thomas beside her. _"Come on, Teresa be nice, you’re scaring them already"_ the other girl said and looked at them with an apologising smile. _"Don’t worry, not all Dauntless are as good as Teresa claims to be so you do have a shot at becoming a member if you can prove to the instructors that you’re capable"_ Harriet explained but just got the evil eye from Minho. _"You’re not helping, seriously…"_ he just said and the girl tried the apologising look again, obviously she was really trying to help but just made it worse. Newt was really interested in the food on his plate as he picked at it with his fork trying to avoid looking at the Dauntless boy again but he couldn’t force himself to not at least peek over at him from the corner of his eyes while listening to the others conversation. The others brown eyes kinda reminded Newt of someone but he couldn’t possibly remember who.

_"Okay we gotta go. I’m sure we’ll see you soon"_ Harriet said as he looked at her wrist watch and stood up from her seat. The conversation had continued with the Dauntless telling them some secrets about the compound and initiation and the transfers, beside Colette who just sat in her seat without even saying one word, listening closely because they wanted to get as much information as they could. Besides the bumpy start they seemed to really get along with each other but they all still had in mind that they were competing against each other if not during stage one but in the end just ten of them would be members of Dauntless. _"Oh yeah, shit. Totally forgot about the meeting"_ Teresa said as she obviously remembered why they had to go and merely jumped off her seat pulling Thomas up with her. _"Calm down you two, it’s not starting until we arrive"_ Thomas said to his friends before lifting his arms to stretch after he got up. Newt looked up from his plate when the three of them stood up; he’d mostly been trying to not stare at Thomas while their conversation but his food hadn’t lessened during the time so he had to at least try to make eye contact with the Dauntless’ from time to time. So when he finally looked at them as they Newt spotted black ink peeking out from underneath Thomas’ shirt on the left side of his stomach, he wasn’t able to make out what it was because the boys arms fell down again making the tattoo disappear under his shirt again.

_"Yeah see you guys and look out for her"_ Teresa said and pointed at Colette, Minho had told her about Davina so they knew what happened to the other girl, obviously the Dauntless had sympathy for the blonde even though she didn’t really know the Erudite transfer because Colette didn’t say a word during the whole conversation. _"Will do. Don’t get yourself into too much trouble"_ Minho responded but Teresa just laughed. _"Yeah, Candor boy, will do"_ she just said before turning as she just walked away. Harriet followed at her heels after waving at the three with her usual bright smile. _"See you round"_ Thomas said lifting one of his hands waving at the transfers and just before he was about to disappear into the crowd the Dauntless shot Newt a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little taste of Newtmas - more'll follow. ;)


	4. How about we jump off buildings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of happy Newtmas feels this time – enjoy before the next chapter will crush your feelings… <3

Laying awake and thinking about a boy wasn’t exactly how Newt imagined his first night at Dauntless, not at all. Shouldn’t he better be thinking about how the next weeks would be? How much of fighting and competing he’d have to do to become a member of Dauntless? They’d told them just ten of the class would actually make it and he wasn’t much of a fighter but then again the Aptitude Test had told him that he belonged in Dauntless, along with two other factions of course… Still the word _Divergent_ was flying round his head and of course that smile and those flashing brown eyes – bloody hell Newt... can’t you think of anything else?

The night stretched and when the boy finally found some sleep the dreams about the Maze returned but this time it was different because the faces that always had been just a blur and cloudy now became clearer. Newt didn’t know why he’d dream of Minho, Teresa and others from his ignition class, he kinda guessed that Thomas would appear but every time he’d meet the other boys gaze a feeling of fear of loosing him came to his mind as if the Maze could swallow the boy any moment.

The first few days went by without further distraction from the Dauntless boy, it was kinda good that they separated the transfers and Dauntless borns during the first stage otherwise Newt would surely have been Factionless within the first few minutes. Minho pushed him forward, kinda dragging him along all the time and even though Newt had no clue how to fight, and this was the main task of stage one, he somehow managed to knock one of the Erudite transfers out. Of course he’d been knocked out himself dozens of times before especially by this Candor transfer Gally and his best friend Beth. Every inch of his body was hurting like hell by the third day but he kinda just clenched his teeth and fought further. Colette managed to get her head back into the game after what happened to her best friend and she wasn’t even that bad – an Erudite mind kinda helped with fighting even though you didn’t need to be strong, you needed to think and that was what Newt did too. He wasn’t the strongest, not by a long shot but using the others strength against them kinda helped him to get under the best ten even if it was just ninth place. Even Colette made a better score then him; Minho somehow managed to get under the best three of the transfers which made Gally and his girlfriend kinda angry but the blonde didn’t really care what score he had, at least he wasn’t Factionless, not yet anyway.

Minho became somewhat of his best friend along with Colette the three were kinda inseparable during stage one; now stage two of initiation was ahead: the emotional stage and the only thing they were told was that they’d have to face their worst fears. Of course the whole class was talking about what would happen during stage two, what they’d face and how all this would go because now all the initiates were thrown together and if they didn’t get under the best few they’d be Factionless sooner then expected. Their instructor Alec, who obviously didn’t like Newt at all probably just for the simple reason that he was a former Amity, had just shown them the score of stage one on the blackboard in their room, before leading the newest members of Factionless compound out of Dauntless. Minho, Colette and Newt made their way to get some dinner before spending some time alone, doing what all the others did: thinking about what would happen during stage two.

_"Hey guys! You up for some fun?"_ came the familiar voice of the dark haired Dauntless girl with the bright blue eyes they’d met some time round the Compound during stage one her two friends always at her heels and every time they met Newt just tried to avoid looking at Thomas, he was just a distraction and that was the last thing he needed now. _"Fun? What kind of fun’re we talking about here?"_ Minho wanted to know, he’d been kind of their leader much as Teresa was the head of the other gang, if you could call it that way or just a punch of friends who liked to hang out. _"If I’d tell you then it wouldn’t be fun anymore. Come on, let’s go"_ Teresa said and nodded her head so the three transfers would follow them. Newt knew what Dauntless meant with _'having fun'_ \- climbing buildings, jumping off moving trains and what so ever, everything was dangerous but Newt was half a Dauntless himself now so he wouldn’t say no at any point, that Thomas was coming along was just a bonus even thought he still tried to avoid to talk or even look at the boy.

Jumping on and off the train was like second nature for the transfers now, they’d done it dozens of times during stage one so when the three Dauntless borns showed them the way through the city, they could easily keep up. It was already getting dark when they left the compound so when they finally reached their goal it was night, the lights of the city were on and from the building they were standing on they could nearly see Amity compound, Erudite headquarters was lit like a Christmas tree like always and the view was just amazing _. "It’s breathtaking, isn’t it? Every time I get up here I just stare at the view for a couple of minutes because you can nearly see the whole city from here"_ a familiar voice said and Newt nearly startled by its sound. When the blonde turned he found himself alone with Dauntless boy at the edge of the building, Minho was obviously too excited to get done with whatever they came for that he didn’t even wasted a second to drag Teresa onto the connection between the two buildings. In the middle of it was a platform where they obviously jumped off from – so they came here to jump off a building, sounded nice?

_"Yeah it’s bloody awesome"_ Newt retorted facing the city again as his eyes scanned all the lights and especially the stars up ahead. From within the city, especially from the Dauntless compound, you weren’t able to see the stars and Newt grew up at the farms of Amity where you could see the stars every night so it felt kinda familiar to finally be able to watch them again. _"Do all Amity sound like that or is it just you?"_ Thomas wanted to know and first Newt didn’t even know what the boy meant with his question. The blonde raised an eyebrow as he looked at the Dauntless born with a kinda puzzled gaze before the other began to laugh _. "Your accent and that 'bloody' you always say – sounds like you’re trying to show off"_ he explained still having that adorable smile on his lips. Newt forced himself to look away and face the city again otherwise he’d have probably kept staring at the others lips for the rest of the night. _"I’m not showing off, it’s just… I don’t know always been there? I mean I grew up like that"_ Newt retorted, shrugging it off because now that Thomas broached the subject it came to the former Amity’s mind that he had no clue where he got that accent from, nobody in his compound talked that way.

A quick shake of his head and a screaming Minho pulled Newt back to reality. _"Seems like your boyfriend’s enjoying himself a lot over there"_ Thomas said and gave a laugh as they watched Minho race towards the ground attached by just one strong cord. When Newt realised what the other boy just said he turned his head to respond that Minho wasn’t his boyfriend or anything of that kind at all when he felt a hand wrapping round his own. His heart skipped a beat and not before the other boy pulled at his hand Newt started breathing again. _"Come on, you’re next"_ the brunet said and dragged Newt towards the connection between the two buildings. For a few steps the blonde just stared at their connected hands and wanted to pull his out of the others grip just for the simple reason that he couldn’t do _this_ right now not during initiation but it felt so pleasant and he didn’t want to let go of that feeling just yet.

_"OMG… that was the most awesome thing ever!"_ Minho nearly shouted kinda breathless when he finally was back on the platform, his hair looking like he’d just survived a massive storm and with the widest grin Newt had ever seen on the boys face. Shortly before they reached the others Thomas let go of Newt’s hand so he could lean forward against the railing looking over the edge and down towards the ground which was lit by a big spotlight from below so you were kinda able to see where you were going during the free fall. _"Come on Amity, you’re next"_ Teresa said when she finished untying Minho but Newt hesitated for a moment till Thomas appeared by his side again. _"No backing out now. I know you’ll love it"_ the Dauntless boy said before he grabbed the harness from Teresa and handed it to Newt. The blonde wasn’t afraid of jumping, no, the complete opposite he was looking forward to it but the actual way till there was the challenge he had to triumph over. Newt looked at Thomas for a moment before taking the harness from him and finally putting it on. He had a strange feeling in his stomach but whether it was because he’d jump of a building any second now or because the boy he couldn’t stop think about had his hands all over him securing the harness, he just tried to push it aside for now.

Standing at the edge now and actually looking down towards the ground which was kinda blurring into the darkness surrounding it Newt was definitely sure that the strange feeling in his stomach was because he was about to jump off a building and not because of a boy he didn’t even really know. _"Good luck, Newty"_ Harriet said from behind him but Newt didn’t bother to look at her, he was too occupied staring down into the darkness only lightened by the spotlight at the ground, before he took in a deep breath. _"Believe me it’s so worth it, man"_ Minho said and Newt could see him from the corner of his eyes standing next to Teresa and Harriet who were still trying to talk Colette into jumping. _"Yeah well no going back now"_ Newt just said and wasn’t even sure if he said it out loud or if he just whispered it. _"Exactly but believe me when I say it’s a bloody awesome feeling"_ Thomas said emphasising the word bloody with a chuckle, Newt just shook his head with a smile because obviously the Dauntless was making fun of him so no more time to waste. The former Amity just leant forward without thinking it through another time and just let go.

The feeling was overwhelming, first it was as if all the air inside his lungs was pressed out of his body but he wasn’t even breathing and then the free fall was like he was flying, free as a bird ready to fly away and leave all his problems behind as if nothing else mattered and it didn’t, not in the few seconds he raced towards the ground anyway. Newt just closed his eyes making the feeling even more spectacular than he’d first guessed just taking everything in as he went down till the point he rebounded. His body wanted to go further, was pulled towards the ground but the cord recoiled, pulling him upwards again but the moment of the free fall was worth it all. Eventually the movements started to slow down till Newt was just hanging there in the mid air staring at the spotlight below him. His breath was fastened even though he didn’t know why but his stomach was now turned upside down and not in a bad way.

_"Told you it was brilliant!"_ Minho stated when Newt was back up on the platform again clapping his shoulder as he did. _"Yeah, it bloody was"_ Newt agreed and looked up meeting Thomas’ gaze as he smiled at him with a content smile, obviously he was proud of Newt jumping or at least the former Amity boy thought so even though he didn’t know why he’d think that. Harriet had obviously accomplished her task in talking Colette into jumping because she was already securing the harness on the former Erudite girl. Newt was now leaning against the railing staring down into the darkness just as he did when he was hanging on the cord down below still this overwhelming feeling all throughout his body. _"So you enjoyed the jump?"_ came the question from beside him and the blonde just turned his head to look at Thomas beside him, nodding his head slightly. _"Yeah, definitely"_ he answered as he forced himself to look away because staring at somebody’s lips wasn’t a good way to start a conversation.

_"You okay? You seem kinda distracted"_ the Dauntless boy asked as he leant against the railing beside Newt. _"Yes I’m fine, just initiation, you know. Lots of pressure and that klunk…"_ Newt retorted and just shrugged the whole question off. Of course he was worried about the second stage but why would he talk about it with a stranger? Thomas was a stranger, wasn’t he? At least that’s what you call someone you only greeted while passing and never really had a real conversation with, right? So why did this situation feel so familiar then? _"Yeah tell me about it… Some of the older guys told us about stage two where you’ve to face your worst fears. They say some even die during that stage which is total rubbish if you ask me. I mean initiation is hard but pushing us as far as to kill us, that’s even sick for Dauntless"_ Thomas said and just tilted his head back staring at the sky. Newt had turned his head while listening to the other boy, with the light of the spotlight from below and the stars over his head the boy kinda looked even more beautiful. For several seconds the two boys just remained in their positions Thomas staring at the sky and Newt staring at Thomas with no intention of looking away, the light from below was coming in through an angle where Thomas wouldn’t be able to see Newt’s face from the position he was in, so he was safe for now, at least so he thought.

_"We should go back, guys"_ Teresa said after they pulled Colette back up, yes, she’d actually jumped after Minho, Harriet and Teresa talk insistently to her that she’d love it and she eventually gave in, of course enjoying it afterwards as much as the other two transfers did. _"Yeah we’ve a big day ahead tomorrow. Facing our worst fears – who wouldn’t want to miss that?"_ Minho said and rolled his eyes dramatically, obviously he was as much looking forward to tomorrow as they all were _. "Well Dauntless is all about controlling your fears so this might have come sooner or later"_ Colette responded her Erudite showing again. Harriet began to laugh as she laid her arm round the other girls shoulder. _"Exactly what she said"_ the Dauntless born said and dragged her along towards the exit. Newt followed beside Minho and Teresa who seemed to be deep in conversation about would be their worst fears. Thomas was walking at the other side of Teresa trying to integrate in the conversation which he totally accomplished as he began to tell a story about nearly being run over by a train he was about to jump on because Train Surfing was obviously also a thing in Dauntless. The former Amity just walked beside them listening to the conversation as they made their way back to the Dauntless compound.

_"See you guys tomorrow"_ Teresa said as they went right and the three transfers went the other way towards their dorm. Harriet hugged all of them close obviously she’d been drinking during their little trip or she was too anxious about tomorrow and had tried to drink it away, anyway she was lulling a bit and hanging onto Colette’s shoulder the whole way back to the compound. Thomas just waved at them as he placed his arm round Harriet’s waist trying to steady her while walking so she wouldn’t fall over. _"We should totally do that again very soon"_ Minho said when they’d nearly reached the room they were all sleeping in, it was already in the middle of the night so most of the Dauntless were already sleeping, just a few hours till the wake up and they hadn’t slept a minute yet. _"Totally"_ Colette agreed with a smile and Newt just nodded, as long as Thomas would come with he was in. How would the former Amity survive the upcoming day when all he could think about was the brown eyes of the Dauntless boy and their hands connected for several moments as he dragged him along towards the most brilliant experience he’d ever had in his life? 


	5. What's your worst fear?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I'd already written and was building the whole story round so enjoy or probably not so much as it's the most painful and hardest thing I've ever written in my entire life.

The emotional stage: they were told that they’d have to face their worst fears; that they’d have to overcome them to pass the stage and enter the final stage. Newt didn’t know what would await him everything could be his worst fear for all he knew he could see his parents die in there or worse. As the initiates waited in a room to get called into the next one by one Newt tried to think of anything else then what would await him in the other room. Last night had been fun but they didn’t get much sleep and weren’t able to talk about the next day for even a second so when he looked to his right and Colette wasn’t saying a word just staring at a point in front of her feet and to his right where Minho was sitting drumming his hands on his knees nervously, Newt knew that they were just as worried about what was next as he was. His eye wandered further through the room and found the Dauntless born sitting at the opposite wall – for this stage they all were thrown together so it would be more fun or whatever. Harriet had her head leant on Thomas’ shoulder, eyes closed, Teresa was talking to the boy who just sat there and nodded occasionally obviously they weren’t as tough as Newt had thought yesterday because they seemed just as nervous as everyone else in the room.

When he saw Harriet move slightly on Thomas’ shoulder his hand wandered up to softly stroke over the girls cheek as he turned his head and mumbled something to her that Newt couldn’t hear - how much he wished he could sit over there, his head on the boys shoulder and his soft, cool hand on his cheek comforting him. With a shake of his head Newt got the thought out of his head but he had obviously accomplished to distract himself pretty well even though this distraction wasn’t working any better for him at all. When Thomas turned his head to face Teresa again on his other side his eyes met with Newt’s for a short moment shooting him a swift, encouraging smile which let the former Amity’s heartbeat quicken. Newt hated it how much power that boy had over him and that he wasn’t in control over his own emotions, clenching his teeth he lowered his head and just did what Colette beside him: staring at a certain point and concentrate on the task ahead. Why was he so fixated on that boy, he didn’t even know him, not really anyways so why did he feel this connection then?

The door opened again and draw the attention of all initiates to it as one of the girls stumbled out, a look of horror on her face; was she shivering? She stumbled through the room and towards the door at the opposite wall before she just left. Their Instructor Alec called out another name and the next initiate followed him inside shutting all the others out again. The room got quieter the less initiates were out here till it was just Newt and two others. Colette hadn’t spoken a word, she’d just walked out of the room without even looking at her two friends, she was paler the usual and had this totally terrified look on her face. Minho on the other hand tried to play it cool but nobody believed him, not this time. Teresa and Harriet looked just as pale as Colette had after they came back out and left the room without as much as to look at Newt. When Thomas came back out his first move was to look at Newt with a horrified gaze, the blonde thought it was because he was the only one left he really knew but that wasn’t true, there were other Dauntless borns he’d seen him talking to but the look he gave him let a shiver run down his spine for whatever reason – what had the boy seen in there and why did he just wanted to comfort the other boy so badly?

Their instructor Alec’s voice echoed through the nearly empty room calling out Newt’s name next and without hesitation but a strange feeling in his stomach the blonde walked into the next room. _"Take a seat"_ the guy said, pointing to a chair in the middle of the room similar to the one that was placed in the room where he took his aptitude test, the very day he found out what he was even though he sill didn’t know what it all really meant. The former Amity boy walked over and just sat down not really knowing what would await him and still trying to avoid it in some ways but he knew that he’d have to go through it eventually if he wanted to be a Dauntless.

_The trick is to face them like a Dauntless would. To prove you belong here._  Those words stuck in Newt’s head while he tried to get comfortable in the chair he’d just taken place in but the comfortable part would probably never happen, not in this room and with this guy at his side anyway. Alec hadn’t liked him since day one and the feeling was mutual, like he disliked Eric but that guy was a whole other story. Having to face his worst fears made Newt feel as uncomfortable as nothing else had ever before and having Alec watch it made the situation even worse. He hadn’t felt that uncomfortable ever before, not even after his aptitude test when the man told him about what he really was but to panic now wouldn’t help so Newt just tried to hold it together and face whatever would show up. The instructor didn’t lie when he said it’d hurt like hell when he injected him with the serum but Newt just clenched his teeth swallowing the pain like he had during part one of initiation every time he took a punch. Newt’d been knocked out so many times that after a while he started to have no feelings in some parts of his body anymore, they were swollen and bruised but somehow he’d been lucky and nothing ever got broken.

Now Newt just leant back because he knew that the serum would kick in any second and it didn’t take long because from one moment to the other, it just took one blink of his eyes, the room he was just sitting in was gone and in its place there were gigantic stone walls to either side of him. Newt was lying on the cold ground staring at the dark sky were just a few stars were visible through the little space between the wall to his right and the one to his left which went up so high he thought they’d touch the sky. Newt sat up staring down a long corridor which ended into another stone wall: a dead end. The boy turned his head way too quickly just to check if his suspicions were right but yes they were: a Maze. Behind him there was a corner leading into another corridor. Fear or rather total panic began to creep up inside the boy’s body he didn’t know why but he hated this place, despised it even and he was terrified of being trapped in here.

Newt didn’t even notice it but his breath had quickened and his heart was racing as if it wanted to just jump out of his chest. The next moment the boy was on his feet staring down the corridor towards the corner thinking about just running but something in the back of his mind told him that it was useless because there was no way out. And then all of a sudden he heard a noise echoing through the night coming from everywhere at once so it seemed. A haunting sound; a constant whirring with a metallic ring to it every few second which sounded like sharp knives rubbing against each other. Growing louder by the second Newt knew that it was coming closer whatever it was that was joined by series of eerie clicks sounding like long fingernails tapping against glass. Clanking of chains followed by a hollow moan filled the air and Newt was holding his breath not even terrified anymore feeling just sheer horror. All of it, together was horrifying, and the small amount of courage Newt had had left began to slip away.

The edges of his vision began to blurry as Newt realised that he hadn’t been breathing for some time. He took in a deep breath and swallowed hard but it didn’t help the noise was coming closer and Newt didn’t know what to do but then all of a sudden a thought popped in his mind:  _This isn’t real_. Newt didn’t know why but somehow this whole Maze felt so familiar and yet terrified him so very much that he wanted to climb one of those ivy-covered walls and just jump, end it right here. A long, piercing shriek pulled Newt back from his thoughts as he realised that he was still standing still and whatever made those noises was coming closer so he just began to run. Down the corridor and round the corner, he felt his right leg starting to hurt as he limped down the next corridor to a fork where he turned left without even thinking but the noises didn’t give up they seemed to chase him wherever he went. Newt picked up speed now racing through the corridors without even thinking where he was going, his only thought: I’ve to get out of here but still in the back of his mind that there was no way out of this Maze.

_This isn’t real_  – echoed through his head again and then he realised if this wasn’t real then the Maze wasn’t really there and he could just walk out of it? Newt stopped abruptly and stared at the wall in front of him for several seconds heavily breathing now before he just ran full speed against it. To his surprise there was no resistance just the blackness that slowly turned into another corridor as he kept on running but now he was facing something he’d never seen before: A creature that looked like an experiment gone completely wrong. Something slug like sparsely covered in hair and glistening with slime, ludicrous pulsating in and out as it breathed. There was no front or back, not that Newt could see but what he could make out were several sharp metal spikes which popped thought the bulbous flesh ever few seconds as it moved forward by curling up and rolling towards the boy. But the most terrified thing about the hideous creature were the randomly placed mechanical arms that stuck out here and there each one with a different purpose: some had bright lights attached to them, others long needle like things, there was even a three-fingered claw constantly clasping and unclasping. When the creature rolled, these arms folded and manoeuvred to avoid being crushed.

The creatures came directly at Newt now and something told him that the noises he’d heard earlier fitted his opponent perfectly. The boy froze in his movement just staring that the creature rolling closer, he wasn’t able to move the panic-stricken fear that had disappeared for a millisecond when he ran through the wall was now ten times bigger when he stared at the creature in front of him. Newt tried to force himself to breath and to just run away try to hide somewhere and then again the helplessness crept up in his mind:  _there is no way out_. The space between him and the creature got smaller by the second as it rolled closer. The metal arms kept popping out of the creature’s body and Newt knew that if it came too close he’d be dead within seconds so what should he do?  _This isn’t real_  – again the thought was omnipresent in his head now but then he felt a cutting pain in his chest before he was slammed against the nearby wall knocking the air out of his lungs before he clashed on his knees and hands trying to catch his breath. It hurt like hell so it had to be real. Fear took over again and Newt jumped to his feet as he felt a cutting pain at his upper arm before he began to run without even thinking where to but there was just one option: down the corridor. A look over his shoulder told the boy that the creature was now chasing him and it was faster then before soon it would catch up and just cut him in half or whatever those different arms liked to do with human when they got a hold of them.

Newt ran as fast as he could but somehow there was no end in sight, the pathway seemed to go on forever, no corners, no turns and the boy was already out of breath.  _This isn’t real_  – why was that thought still in his head? Newt could still feel the pain in his chest and upper arm where the creature cut him and the pain in his back where he hit the stone wall never mind the no air in his lungs but he kept on running but where? He couldn’t keep this up for long, not outrun the creature that was still chasing him - how would he get out of his situation? Then without even really thinking, like when he chose to transfer to Dauntless, Newt stopped and turned on his heels directly running at the hideous creature now.  _This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real._ Newt closed his eyes just a second before he’d dash against the creature but nothing happened. Newt opened his eyes again and the creature was gone so was the corridor instead he nearly ran into a man he’d never seen before but he kinda looked like his mother had been a rat with a long nose and dark eyes.  _"Ah yes Mr. Newton. He’s far too gone. We can’t do anything for him now. So it’s time…"_ the guy said and placed one of his arms round Newt’s shoulders to pull him with him forward through a white door. Newt didn’t know what was going on but he followed while trying to steady his breath from running.

When the door fell into its lock behind them a clicking sound followed telling Newt that they’d been locked in for whatever reason. Behind the door there was just another room everything was white and seemed sterile like in a hospital or something but what happened next surprised Newt. The guy beside him handed him a gun. Newt hesitated to take it, he knew he hated guns, but rat-man just placed it into his hands. Its weight was heavy, heavier that it should’ve been, Newt thought and stared at the weapon in his hands. Why would the guy give him a gun inside a hospital? Newt looked up wanting to ask question but the man was gone and a second later he cried out as all of a sudden someone or something jerked him backwards. The blonde lost grip of the gun as he was spun round before he slammed into the ground sending a bolt of pain down his spine before a boy’s head appeared just two inches above his. It was Thomas’ face but he looked different: his hair had lost its so bright brown colour covered in sweat and sticking together, his face was pale and wrinkly and his eyes, Newt always loved to stare at when he wasn’t looking, were the most horrible part: the beautiful dark-brown colour which sometimes even turned into pure gold if the light was right had transformed into something that looked like death itself, his expression was wild as if he just wanted to rip him apart. A horrible smell filled his nostrils like something was rotting when the boy opened his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs spit flying out of his mouth spraying Newt.

A pain hit his chest but not because the boy tore at his shoulders slamming his head over and over again into the floor, no, it was the feeling when he looked into the other boys eyes: he somehow knew that he had a really close connection to the boy even though Newt didn’t understand why but to see him like this just broke his heart.  _"Kill me, please!"_  Thomas yelled at Newt now pinning him against the floor. For a moment the boy’s eyes were clear again the beautiful brown colour had returned and were now staring down at Newt. Somehow the blonde had the urge to just wrap his arms round the boy and hold him close, comfort him, tell him that everything was going to be okay but in that moment he felt hands wrapped round his throat starting to squeeze. Newt didn’t think long before he started to struggle, kicking out and trying to get the boy off of him but it wasn’t easy to get Thomas off, however hard he tried.

The grip round his throat tightened so Newt put all his strength into a last attempt to get the boy off of him slamming his fist into the others side which caused Thomas to cry out and let go of his throat for a moment giving Newt the opportunity to roll to the side. Newt didn’t know why but the gun he’d held in his hands just a few moments before Thomas attacked him was now lying in front of him again and without hesitation Newt grabbed it still not comfortable with it. Then Newt cried out as he felt his head yanked back when the other boy pulled at his hair with in full strength. Newt spun round again kicking Thomas in the side with his foot knocking him to the ground. The brunet’s head slammed into the floor hard because he stayed there for several moments giving Newt the time to jump to his feet and get on top of the other boy. Without hesitation the blonde pressed the tip of his gun against Thomas’ forehead staring down at him but he couldn’t pull the trigger. Newt had imagined being so close to the other boy for a long time but not like this, not with a gun pressed to the others head. Thomas’ brown eyes were staring at him now clear again but filled with fear and sheer panic.  _"Please, Newt. Do it…"_ he begged and Newt felt tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He didn’t know why this boy meant so much to him but he couldn’t possible pull the trigger.

_This isn’t real_  – he thought but as Newt stared down into these brown eyes which for some obscure reason he loved so much, he slowly let his hand which was holding the gun sink. The next moment the blonde felt strong but cold hands wrapped round his own holding it in place.  _"Do it! Please…"_  Thomas begged again with a shaky but demanding voice and Newt felt as his head began to move, shaking it slowly.  _"No… I… I can’t…"_  the former Amity boy stammered and tried to blink the tears in his eyes away. _"I’m gonna kill you if you don’t… I know I will…"_ the other boy said squeezing his hand which was still wrapped round the gun.  _"Please, Newt… you /have/ to do it… for me…"_ Thomas continued emphasising every word especially the last one begging for him to pull the trigger but how could he possibly kill that boy he didn’t really know but had so many confusing feeling for? Newt wanted to pull his hand away and just throw the gun into one of the corners of the room as far as he possibly could, he didn’t know why Thomas was acting so strange, why the boy had the urge to kill him one second and was begging to be killed the other but the Dauntless boy held his hand in position.  _"I can’t do it, Tommy…"_  Newt said without even thinking about the nickname he just gave the boy below him.

_"PLEASE!!!"_  Thomas now screamed at him and Newt could feel the grip round his hand tightening before he began to lash out again hitting Newt hard in the stomach causing him to whine while he lost the connection between his gun and the other boy’s forehead. Somehow Thomas managed to throw Newt off of him and was now on his feet ready to jump at the blonde lying on the ground in front of him. The wild expression in his eyes had returned - ready to tear him apart alive.  _"Tommy, please…"_  Newt whispered under his breath his voice filled with so much pain and sorrow as he lifted the gun pointing it at the other boy. He didn’t want to do this, his whole body fought against pulling the trigger but he knew that the other boy would kill him if he wouldn’t do something.

The last thing Newt saw was Thomas starting to move jumping directly at him before he closed his eyes and squeezed the trigger causing the loud noise of his gun to echo from every wall. Newt didn’t open his eyes when he felt something warm hit his face knowing that it was Thomas’ blood before the noise of the gun slowly died down. He kept them shut for several moments not wanting to open them fearing that another horrible thing would appear and that he’d have to live through something similar again. But then he felt his hands clinching onto something that felt like armrests his head was pressed back against something that wasn’t as hard as the ground he was just lying on but Newt was too stunned to open his eyes for now. 


	6. Are you a real Dauntless?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looots of Newtmas feels - ups and downs and yep a lot of fluff. ;3

Facing your worst fears once is horrible enough but repeatedly having to live through the most terrible things you could imagine and to that not even knowing why exactly you’re facing what you do and this over and over and over again was even worse. For the next few day Newt kept more to himself like all the others did, they all were processing their own fears and Dauntless was all about facing and learning how to control them and everybody needed to deal with it on their own, there was no help from others. Colette was crying more often now again, she was mumbling in her sleep all the time. Some other initiate woke up screaming every night and Minho had suggested that they should go sleep by the Chasm where it would definitely be quieter then a room full of crazy people dealing with their worst fears. Of course Minho didn’t wanted to be rude or anything but he was obviously dealing with the same things all the others did just in another way. Nobody ever really talked about their fears, what they were facing every day in their fear landscape.

Newt’s last scene in his landscape, the whole deal with having to kill Thomas because he’d gone crazy didn’t help with his feelings towards the other boy, they just made things even more complicated. Every time they had to sit in a room together Newt tried to avoid him even more then before, he’d even leave the room if it was possible, excuse himself or just sit there and have better things to do. But since their little trip Thomas seemed keen on spending more time with Newt, he tried to get him into a conversation every time possible but Newt blocked it all out because every time he looked at the other boy he could just see the wild and bloodlust expression from his fear landscape instead and he hated it.

_"Newt… Just wait a second. I don’t know what’s up with you lately but avoiding us won’t solve the problem"_ Thomas called after Newt because he’d just left the room another time after Thomas, Teresa, Harriet and their newest addition a girl named Brenda, who seemed really keen on hanging round Thomas’s neck the whole time, had come to spend some time with them, asking if they wanted to get train riding with them. Thomas ran after Newt but the blonde didn’t stop, he couldn’t put up with them, with his feelings and yes it looked as if he was shutting the whole other gang out not just Thomas probably because of his dreams where most of them were in. _"I’m not avoiding you, I just have other stuff to do"_ Newt said not even bothering to turn round as he head Thomas catching up.

Then the blonde felt a hand on his shoulder and was forced to stop when Thomas held him back turning him to face the other boy. _"Look I’m just saying it seems like something happened and I don’t know what. Teresa and Harriet’re worried they might have done or said something to offend you, Harriet more then Teresa but you know how she is"_ Thomas began and Newt just stared at the ground between them. _"They didn’t do anything wrong, okay? I just wanna be alone, that’s all. You guys obviously have no bloody problem going through your worst fears and not being touched by it or hiding it perfectly for that matter – I don’t know ‘bout you but being woken up by screams from other initiates every night and seeing one of your best friends crying herself to sleep every single evening isn’t as cool as it sounds…"_ Newt retorted and finally managed to look up directly at Thomas who wasn’t even a metre away from him.

For a moment there was silence and they just stared at each other Thomas was obviously caught off guard with Newt revealing so much at once and Newt just trying not to give in again, to look at the other boy for just a moment longer and convincing himself that the brunet wouldn’t turn crazy any second and that he didn’t have to kill him. _"Okay…"_ Thomas began but hesitated _"but just so you know we might be better in hiding our emotions but don’t even think for one moment that we’re not just as haunted by all this as you all are. You’re not alone, Newt, okay? We’re all going through the same and we’re all terrified of it, even that piece of Klunk, Gally"_ Thomas said and even got a slightly smile out of Newt. Gally and Thomas had clashed with each other not just once and even Teresa had to step in once or the situation might have gotten out of control. Thomas wasn’t one you could provoke easily but Gally just loved to pick a fight and there was something between them that reminded Newt of a situation he’d had before even though he couldn’t quite put his finger on where that was and he felt the need to negotiate between them which he’d done not just once so Gally wouldn’t start a real fight. _"I know. It’s just…"_ Newt began but just shrugged - he couldn’t just tell Thomas that he was in his fear landscape because that would bring up a lot more questions to which the blonde didn’t have any answers yet. _"Yeah, I know too"_ Thomas just said with a smile and wrapped his arms round Newt’s shoulder pulling him back towards the others so they could finally head out.

 

After their little talk Newt was more relaxed round them especially Thomas or rather he tried to not show it as much as he did before the other boy told him that he and all the others were having just as much stuff to deal with. The second stage went buy just as fast as the first one and now everybody was standing round, cheering and watching the screens where the initiates where seen facing their fears for the final test. It was good that not everybody besides some people could see what the fears were the initiates were facing, they could just see their expressions, hear their occasional screams and stuff but Newt was just glad that nobody would find out about his fears and obviously everyone else was too.

Now they were all sitting in the exact same room like they had when they first went through their fear landscape, Newt in the middle, Minho at his right and Colette to his left, the Dauntless borns at the opposite wall – just like then just with the little fact that it was the last time they had to go thought the fear landscape and this time they’d be totally aware of it, had to show what they learned and prove themselves worthy of being a Dauntless. One by one they were called into the next room, monitors were all over the place showing the initiate whose turn it was while they were going through their worst nightmare but everybody seemed to enjoy it even the ones whose turn it was. Of course they were all nervous but this moment would reveal if they’d be able to stay in Dauntless or if they’d become Factionless.

Newt’s fear landscape slightly changed every time but basically it was the same: The Maze, the hideous creature and Thomas were his three worst fears so they were the last ones all adding up to the moment Newt had to kill the boy he liked way too much for his own good. When Newt opened his eyes again he could still feel Thomas’ warm blood on his skin and without noticing he tried to wipe it off as he stared up into a spotlight which was directly lightened at him. The former Amity could hear the cheers from outside as he made his way out of the room and back to his friends and the other initiates who all started clapping his back and cheering. He was again one of the last ones to go through the test so the others had already gone through their test now it meant waiting for their final results.

It took them some time but finally all the initiates along with all the other Dauntless were gathered in the dining hall having dinner as from somewhere a voice echoed through the room. Newt was just half listening because he was staring at the big screen, where the names of the initiates who made it into Dauntless would soon appear, which was still black. All the other initiates were silent too well at least as far as Newt could see but he was too nervous to really pay any attention. Just as the former Amity wanted to take a look round and calm himself he felt a hand on his shoulder and someone screaming beside him before the whole hall exploded in cheers and applause. Newt looked back at the screen and scanned it in search of his own name; first his heart missed a beat as he couldn’t see his name on the screen but he was just looking at the last few names because after the first stage he was ninth and then he saw his name just up front after Thomas and Teresa and his eyes widened.

Colette somehow managed to get through even though she was last on the list but she made it. Gally’s girlfriend Beth didn’t make it into the top ten and Gally himself just made eighth place which made him so angry that he nearly jumped at Thomas when he saw that the other boy was on first place. Some of the others had to hold him back but everybody knew that as soon as they were alone Gally would go after Thomas because his glare told words but for now they all were just happy. Minho even managed to get sixth place just above Harriet, the other three where Dauntless borns who Newt just saw round couple of times. Newt turned round as he felt a hand on his shoulder and already got pulled into a hug by Colette and then Harriet, Teresa clapped his shoulder with a big smile on her face just as Minho did Thomas was at the opposite side of the table getting hugged way too close by Brenda. A wave of jealousy washed through Newt when he saw the brunet in his arms whispering something into his ear that made Thomas smile. Newt tried to blend the whole situation out and turned to face his other friends again forcing a smile onto his face as Teresa asked them to join them later at a party to celebrate the new members of Dauntless, Minho agreed without hesitation and even Newt was kinda excited or was it just the fact that he was an actual member of Dauntless now?

After dinner when the crowd had cleared a little they made their way through the tunnels of Dauntless compound, Teresa obviously knew exactly where she was going because none of the others did well at least none of the transfers. Newt didn’t see Thomas, neither did he see Brenda anywhere while they followed Teresa, Harriet was talking to Colette and Minho was chatting with two of the other Dauntless borns who made it in. Why was he thinking about Thomas again? Couldn’t he just erase him from his mind? He’d just made it into Dauntless there were other things he should be thinking about and not a boy who obviously didn’t care as much about him as Newt did so why did his mind have to be so cruel? After they made it onto the list Thomas had come over to congratulate them but somehow Newt had lost sight of him in the whole chaos of people and he didn’t care well at least he pretended to not care.

_"Are you okay, Newt?"_ Colette wanted to know as she leant in while walking beside him still following Teresa. _"What? Yeah I’m totally fine"_ he retorted looking at the female and shooting her a fake smile. _"I’m sure he’ll be at the party"_ Colette said all of a sudden and Newt nearly choked as he stared at her with widened eyes. _"What? What’re you bloody talking ‘bout?"_ Newt wanted to know talking way too fast and obviously caught off guard. _"Thomas. I’m sure he’ll be at the party too. I don’t know who that Brenda girl is but I’ve seen how you look at him, Newt, I’m not stupid well not as stupid as Minho and all the others"_ the blonde said and nudged him with a smile. Was he that obvious? He’d tried to hide it but obviously hadn’t done a very good job. _"You should just go talk to him, you’re a Dauntless now so act like on"_ Colette added and Newt just rolled his eyes because he couldn’t keep on denying it but he wouldn’t go further into it either and with that they dropped the topic.

Just a minute later music started to get louder and Teresa waved them forward towards a double door painted in black and through with the music was obviously coming through. The black haired girl just grinned at them before pushing the doors open revealing a big, dark hall stuffed full of people, different coloured lights were flickering through the room making it nearly impossible to really see anything, the music was so loud they had to scream to understand each other while they made their way thought the crowd to get something to drink. Teresa was the one handing them all a cup, nobody really knew what was in it, along with a small shot glass before she raised both her hands into the air screaming _"to us"_ and emptying the shot glass with just one swallow. Harriet and the other two Dauntless borns followed, Minho was next and Colette just shrugged as Newt looked at her so they just did the same. Newt made a face as he tasted the bitter liquid on his tongue before it burned down his throat which made him automatically take a sip of the other cup which didn’t taste any better obviously Harriet had seen it because she began to laugh. _"Don’t worry, it’ll get… well more bearable"_ she screamed at him and clapped his shoulder as she took a big sip of her own cup.

When Minho handed Newt and Colette their third cups of whatever alcohol it was Newt tried to slow down, his brain was already racing and slowing down all at the same time and the room had started spinning slightly which was why he was kinda leaning against a table. All of a sudden Newt felt a hand wrapped round his wrist before somebody pulled him forward. _"Let’s dance!"_ Teresa yelled at him and if he wouldn’t have known it better he’d have said he sounded kinda annoyed but he could be totally wrong plus he was already drunk so who was he to refuse Teresa? The black haired girl dragged him onto the dance floor and started moving her hips to the rhythm of the music, not until now Newt realised he’d never danced before so he tried to move as best as he could which looked totally awkward but he was too wasted to really care.

After some time Teresa came closer wrapping her arms round his neck and pressing her body closely to his while she moved further to the music, grinding her hips against his in an unusual way Newt had never done before. It wasn’t uncomfortable but it didn’t feel right either but nevertheless Newt placed his hands onto her hips and continued to move somehow. Newt didn’t know why but he still had the feeling that Teresa was really enjoying dancing with the blonde because she kept always looking somewhere else not really focusing on him and more like forcing Newt to stay close. At some point Newt finally spotted what she was focusing on: Thomas dancing with Brenda just a few metres away from them. The girl was so close to Thomas that Newt first thought she was glued to him, it looked like they were grown together Brenda’s head so close to the boys that he must have felt every breath on his skin but he’d wrapped his arms tightly round her as well so it didn’t look forced at all, it rather seemed like they both were enjoying themselves pretty well on the contrary to Teresa and Newt.

Then Newt realised that he’d been just as blind as Minho and all the others, Teresa obviously had a huge crush on Thomas and was now using Newt to make him jealous. In that moment Thomas looked up and directly at Newt meeting his gaze before he noticed Teresa hanging round his neck still very close to him. That was the finally straw which brought Newt to let go of the black haired girl, turning on his heels and just heading the door. Teresa was slightly stunned at first and tried to hold him back but Newt just ripped his hand out of hers and pushed himself through the crowd of people as fast as he could. The blonde bumped into a lot of people on his way out but he didn’t care and neither did he apologise till he finally reached the door and just stumbled out. Why was he acting so strange? What had he been thinking? No wait he hadn’t been thinking at all, his brain just turned off when it came to Thomas and he still didn’t know why. It made Newt angry and he just continued to stumble down the corridor which was obviously spinning and the corner at the end was obviously moving further away the closer he came.

_"Newt… Wait!"_ a voice echoed through the corridor but was nearly drowned out by the music coming from the hall behind him, the blonde just kept on moving forward he even picked up his pace because he knew exactly that Thomas would follow him. _"Please… Don’t make me chase you through the whole compound"_ he yelled at him already exhaustion in his voice obviously from the dancing because it couldn’t be from anything else but Newt didn’t stop. _"Leave me alone!"_ the former Amity just called as he finally reached the corner and continued heading wherever, he didn’t really know where he was heading just away from the party, away from Teresa, Brenda and especially Thomas who was still following him. _"Come on, Newt, please. I wanna talk to you… Just slow down"_ Thomas yelled from behind and Newt could hear him running now so he started walking faster as well but the alcohol in his body made it slightly harder to walk straight.

After another few corners, the music behind them had nearly died down, Thomas finally managed to get a hold of Newt’s shoulder trying to hold him back but the blonde just pushed his hand off his shoulder and continued walking. _"I said leave me the bloody ‘ell alone!"_ Newt repeated but Thomas didn’t give up now grabbing the others wrist and not letting go again as Newt tried to pull his hand out of his grip. _"Listen to me for just a moment. I…"_ Thomas started but Newt cut him off before he could even begin to form a sentence. _"No, Tommy, I’m not gonna bloody listen to you, you’re gonna listen to me"_ the blonde started and tried to focus on the other ones face because his head was still spinning or was it the corridor they were standing in? _"I get it you’re obviously a bloody popular guy round here. First Brenda, now Teresa and I’m sure there’re lots of others I mean look at you..."_ Newt continued now staring directly at Thomas not even blinking. _"And I’m just that guy from Amity who doesn’t know what he’s bloody doing because for some strange reason he’s drawn towards a guy he’s never seen before in his life…"_ he didn’t know why he was saying all those things, he’d never even think of admitting any of it especially not directly to Thomas’ face but this was obviously the alcohol doing its purpose.

When Newt eventually realised that he just admitted liking Thomas he immediately wanted to hide, he could feel his cheeks warming up and he was sure he looked like a tomato right in that moment and the other guy wasn’t doing a thing about it just staring at him with an odd expression for an uncomfortable long time. Newt clenched his teeth wanting to hit himself for being so stupid as to even consider drinking alcohol, dancing with Teresa and now this, he was better then this. And then all of a sudden the blonde felt Thomas’ lips clashing with his as he was pushed back against the corridor wall. Newt gasped his eyes widened and he felt his heart skipping a few beats as he felt the other’s body pressed close against his, he didn’t really know what was happening or how to react at first but when Newt realised Thomas was actually kissing him he just leant in and started moving his lips with the others, deepening the kiss as he returned the thing he’d been waiting for so long. The next moment Newt was already moving his hands placing one onto Thomas’ lower back and the other onto his neck shoving them slightly into his hair as he automatically pulled him closer against him. Thomas’ had his hands at both sides of his neck holding his face in place as he let the kiss last and Newt just hoped that this wasn’t a joke or another addition to his fear landscape and Thomas would try to rip out his throat the next moment.

Newt had his eyes closed tasting the others lips and having this familiar feeling that he’d tasted them before, that he’d had felt his body so close before. A slight moan escaped through their combined lips as Thomas pressed his body against the blonde’s who could feel the trunk of the tree pressing into his back and the smell of the woods entering his nose as he tried to breath through it while they continued kissing. All of a sudden Thomas broke away and just stared down the corridor a slight expression of confusion on his face but Newt was too occupied with getting everything into his head as to notice it at first. _"What’s wrong?"_ Newt finally managed to ask as he looked at Thomas confused expression. _"Did you smell um feel that…? I mean… of course you didn’t I mean sure you did but I don’t mean that…"_ Thomas stuttered before he cleared his throat as he turned his head to look at Newt not moving his body away from the others. _"What’re you talking ‘bout?"_ Newt wanted to know and before Thomas could answer he just continued. _"You mean the trees…?"_ he just said and Thomas narrowed his eyes looking at the blonde with a slightly puzzled expression. _"Yes… I mean there was something well at least I thought so and now you’re saying that you felt it too?"_ Thomas said not breaking their staring contest and not moving a centimetre away from Newt.

_"It felt as if we were somewhere else. It felt so bloody… familiar"_ Newt admitted as he bit his lower lip still looking into Thomas’ beautiful eyes not even fearing that they could change into pure evil any second because of the closeness they were sharing as their bodies remained pressed against each other. _"Exactly!"_ Thomas confirmed way too fast before furrowing his brow slightly but then a smile appeared on his lips as he leaned forward resting his forehead against the blondes and his hands on his chest. _"You don’t know for how long I’ve been waiting to do that…"_ Thomas all of a sudden said looking into Newt’s eyes with a small grin on his lips. _"I just wasn’t sure you liked me too…"_ he admitted and laughed slightly. In that moment Newt remembered Brenda and Teresa and pulled back which caused Thomas to move a step back as he looked at the blonde slightly confused. _"What? Did I say something wrong?"_ the Dauntless born wanted to know searching in Newt’s eyes for an answer. _"What about your girlfriends?"_ Newt just said and tried to avoid the others gaze looking at the ground. When Thomas started to laugh the blonde looked up confused as hell because there was absolutely nothing funny about the whole situation he could see.

_"You think they’re my girlfriends? What about your Asian boyfriend? Don’t you think that’s the better question? Brenda’s Teresa’s ex and they obviously still like each other so Brenda asked me to help her make Terra jealous because she’d never admit that she still liked her and when Terra danced with you well… it was me who got jealous…"_ the brunet admitted and reached out to cup Newt’s cheek with his hand softly tracing his cheekbone with his thumb as he looked into his eyes. _"From the first moment we met I felt something strange about you as if we’d known each other for a long time or something, as if we shared something but I hadn’t seen you before and then you even appeared in my fear landscape and…"_ Thomas began but what cut off by Newt again. _"What…? I mean… what? I’m… I’m in your fear landscape?"_ Newt asked narrowing his eyes as he looked at the other who was slightly confused about the question but nodded his head. _"I don’t know why but my fear is loosing you, not being able to protect you… I know it sounds completely insane because we like don’t really know each other but… as I said from the moment we met there was something odd about you I couldn’t quite put my finger on"_ Thomas tried to explain and Newt finally leaned into his hand which was still on his cheek while closing his eyes for a moment. _"You’re in mine too…"_ the blonde finally said before he opened his eyes again looking at Thomas again. _"That’s why I tried to avoid you… because I couldn’t bare to look at you"_ Newt continued and now it was Thomas who seemed worried as he looked at the blonde.

_"Why? What happened?"_ he wanted to know but quickly added _"just if you wanna tell me of course…"_ Newt hesitated but again there was this feeling which told him he could trust Thomas completely. _"I… I had to kill you…"_ the former Amity began and looked directly into Thomas’ eyes who just kept quiet and listened. _"I don’t know why but one moment you were kinda normal begging me to kill you and the other you wanted to rip out my throat like a wild animal. A guy gave me a gun and said you’re far too gone and that there’s nothing else to be done… I couldn’t do it I mean… I…"_ Newt stuttered and looked away just completely being pushed out of his comfort zone by telling him the story but Thomas slipped his fingers under his chin pulling his face towards him again. _"That’s a pretty good reason to ignore me but I’m not gonna try to kill you and certainly not beg you to kill me – I promise"_ Thomas said in a completely honest voice before he leaned forward again kissing Newt’s lips softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this was the last fluffy chapter - it'll get more serious and dark next time - promise. ;)  
> Hope you all enjoyed it and I'd love some feedback. ;3


	7. How about we join forces?

The first few moments after Newt opened his eyes the next morning he was slightly confused looking round in the room he was in till he remembered that it was Thomas’ apartment. The Dauntless born had taken Newt with him because he was pretty wasted from the alcohol, they’d ended up talking and making out till Newt eventually passed out, so much he remembered. _"Morning sleepy-head. You look like death itself"_ Thomas said when he entered the room with two black cups in his hands. The former Amity was now sitting in the bed his eyes just half open as he looked at the other boy who sat down beside him and handed him one of the two cups. _"Here you go."_ Newt took the cup and just smelled at it, it wasn’t coffee or tea or any of this, it smelled strange and he just heard Thomas chuckling slightly. _"Don’t worry, it’ll help, trust me"_ he said and took a sip of his cup from which steam was rising, obviously he had coffee and wasn’t feeling as bad as Newt did. _"I feel like I’ve had too much of that bloody truth serum…"_ the blonde said before taking a sip of the mug. He pulled a face and swallowed whatever was in it because it tasted bitter and had a strange aftertaste. _"You serious? I thought that was just a made up story to scare children off. My mum always kept on telling me if I didn’t stop lying we’d go to Amity and they’d give me a little truth serum so I’d stop lying"_ Thomas said looking over his mug waiting for confirmation. Newt just smiled slightly as he took another sip of the awful liquid.

 _"So… yesterday…"_ Newt began holding his cup now with both hands kinda trying to hide his face behind it because he felt his cheeks warming up and blushing was definitely a sign of weakness. Dauntless weren’t allowed to be weak but the fact was that he wasn’t wearing a shirt or trousers and besides the boxers he was wearing only the blanket was covering his body from sight. A huge grin appeared on Thomas’ face as he took another sip of his coffee, Newt staring him down waiting for an answer but obviously the other boy was teasing him with taking his time. The former Amity couldn’t remember much from the past evening everything was kinda blurry so he hoped they didn’t do anything he had no knowledge of. _"Don’t worry, you passed out before anything could happen and you really think I’m the type who’s sex with a corpse?"_ Thomas finally answered leaning forward as he slowly pushed the cup Newt was holding down so he could close the gap between his lips and Newt’s. A wave of heat flashed through the blonde’s body as their lips met and he could taste the coffee in his own mouth and even though he hated coffee he leant forward returning the kiss and wanting more.

 _"And besides, you talked a lot yesterday and I kinda figured you never had a boyfriend before so we decided to take it slow"_ Thomas said as he pulled back watching Newt as he bit his lower lip obviously trying to take in the other boys taste even more. _"Boyfriend?"_ Newt finally realised what Thomas said and raised an eyebrow questioningly looking at him with widened eyes for a moment which made the other boy chuckle slightly. _"You’re adorable, you know that, right?"_ the brunet said as he leaned forward to kiss the others cheek softly before he stood up from the bed. _"I think you should get ready. Big day ahead, yanno we got into Dauntless yesterday and everything"_ Thomas said and winked at Newt before he headed for the door. The blonde watched him still not really knowing what he meant with the word 'boyfriend' but he wouldn’t just give up but it was still time for that later. Thomas was right he had to get ready so he looked round finding his clothes all over the floor and after finishing his cup he got dressed and left the bedroom heading for the front door of the little apartment. _"Are you gonna sneak out on me?"_ Thomas’ voice suddenly asked from behind and Newt could head the other boy smile. _"No… I’m just…"_ Newt began and turned slightly to face Thomas who was standing in the door frame looking at the blonde with a smile on his face. _"I know… See you later, handsome"_ Thomas just said and shot Newt a grin before he turned and disappeared into the bedroom leaving Newt alone with his thoughts. This was all really new to the former Amity and it felt strange and obviously he’d told Thomas all this last night without remembering but he was kinda glad he did because that’d have been a very awkward conversation in a sober state.

 _"Look who we got here"_ Minho’s voice echoed through the room when Newt tried to sneak in _. "Where did you disappear to last night? Shuck, you missed all the good parts, man! Teresa and that Brenda chick had a huge argument and nearly started to fight, Harriet said that they’d been together and were now 'trying to sort things out' as she put it quite nicely"_ the former Candor began to explain not mincing his words. _"After that the party just got started, Col danced her ass off with some Dauntless guy, Harriet had fun with one of the older guys and I got pretty serious with that Sonya from our initiation class – she’s totally into me"_ Minho continued but was then interrupted by a female voice from the other side of the room _. "Not true! She was just drunk and had no one else, you should really keep your eye open Minho"_ Colette said and giggled slightly followed by a soft groan as she pressed her hand against her head. Not until now Newt had noticed that his own headache was gone, whatever Thomas had given him worked pretty good. A quick grin washed over the blondes face as he saw Minho’s expression after Colette’s statement but he had to hurry, take a shower and then be ready for whatever came next.

Minho kept on talking about the last night, what Newt missed and how much fun they had and of course he tried to find out more about the blonde’s disappearance but Newt kept quiet not really sure how to handle the situation himself. _"We got back about an hour before the wake up and let me tell you that hour of sleep was like hell. I should’ve stayed up instead then I wouldn’t be so shucking tired right now… I woke up every few minutes because of that freaking nightmare I have since I first went thought my fear landscape…"_ Minho started when they were in the showers, he barely ever shut up but now he was talking even more then usually probably because he didn’t want to think about what they’d do next. _"It’s like that freaking creature’s haunting my dreams and let me tell you being trapped inside a bugging Maze isn’t as fun as it sounds…"_ he continued but one word caught Newt’s attention in the next shower cabin. _"Maze? What bloody Maze?"_ the blonde wanted to know because it sounded rather suspicious. He remembered some of the talk Thomas and he had last night and a Maze came up there too, wasn’t that one of his fears or just this creature that looked a lot like the one which showed up in his fear landscape?

 _"I don’t know, a freaking Maze, man… How the hell should I know what Maze, I’ve never seen one before just heard about it and there it was in my fear landscape and now that Maze’s showing up in my dreams as well and it’s freaking driving me crazy because it feels so damn real"_ the Asian boy explained and Newt had already left the shower waiting for Minho to get out because he wanted to look at the other one to be sure he wasn’t just making up stuff when he’d shared some more details with him. _"What?"_ the Asian boy wanted to know rising an eyebrow as he got out of the shower and found Newt waiting for him _. "You being bloody serious? What the hell, Minho?"_ was Newt’s answer but the other boy didn’t know what was going on so he just shook his head. _"I don’t know what the freaking hell you’re talking about, man"_ he said with a puzzled expression. _"You’re telling me you were in a Maze and didn’t know why?"_ Newt repeated and narrowed his eyes as he looked at his friend. _"Yes?"_ came Minho’s response and he just wanted to know what was going on. _"And? Why? Is that so… earth-shattering to you?"_ the former Candor wanted to know. _"No I mean yes, no not earth-shattering just… strange…"_ Newt retorted and shook his head slightly while he ran his hand through his still wet hair. Minho looking at Newt more confused then before now. _"What do you mean by… 'strange'?"_ he asked and tried his staring down look but Newt just shrugged thinking it was probably just a coincidence. _"I had one too, a Maze in my fear landscape I mean…"_ he finally admitted, not that he was afraid of telling Minho his fear, no, he was kinda embarrassed to tell him about his last fear, about Thomas and all that followed but he just wouldn’t mention it and everything’d be fine.

 _"You’re telling me we had the same fears? A Maze? And you don’t know how it happened either? What did the freaking instructor say? I mean mine was pretty common, fear of not being able to help, helplessness or something like that he called it, the Maze was just an object to project it but then came the weird thing: those creatures. They made those awful clicking noises, looked like some experiment gone completely wrong, with weapons everywhere and stuff. It looked like from a nightmare. I’m not sure how I survived that, I just ran"_ Minho explained and Newt was thankful that the boy was a former Candor, they loved to talk and right now Newt was just listening because it sounded a lot like the creature from his fear landscape. _"They had sharp metal spikes that popped out from their entire body and they tried to kill you without a good reason?"_ Newt kinda finished his sentence after he’d thought about it and decided that he could trust Minho this far even though he wasn’t sure about his Divergent thing yet. The Asian boy’s eyes widened and he just stared at the blonde. _"You telling me that you had the same creature in your fear landscape?"_ he wanted to know and leant in closer just to make sure nobody else was listening because he obviously wasn’t sure about sharing those things with anyone either but had decided to do so with Newt for whatever reason.

 _"Yes that’s exactly what I’m telling you and Tommy… I mean Thomas had one too, a Maze in his fear landscape but just because of those creatures"_ Newt explained not realising till he was finished that he’d just mentioned talking to the Dauntless born about intimate stuff like that. First Newt thought Minho would ask him how he found out all that stuff but he was obviously more interested in that coincidence that three people had the same fears well similar fears with a creature nobody has ever seen. _"You seriously telling me that Thomas, you and I have the same freaking creature in our fear landscape including a Maze and we don’t know why? Okay we gotta find Thomas and have a nice little chat with him"_ the Asian boy decided and didn’t waist any time to get dressed, Newt did the same and instead of getting breakfast they headed out to find the Dauntless boy. When they found Thomas he was sitting in the dining hall having breakfast with Teresa, Harriet and Colette who’d obviously been faster with getting ready then the two boys. First Minho thought it would be a better idea to leave the girls out of this but through a quick mentioning of the Maze they found out that Teresa and Harriet had similar things in their fear landscapes. Hideous creatures and Mazes. Soon they got into a deep conversation about dreams and memories or whatever hell they were experiencing but they decided to take the conversation elsewhere and continue in the evening somewhere where they wouldn’t be disturbed so Thomas suggested that they’d all meet in his apartment which they did.

The six talked long about what they’d been experiencing and found out that they’d had a lot of similar experiences like some kind of flashbacks, smells and tastes that appeared out of nowhere and had absolutely no connection with the surrounding area and of course the dreams about the Maze and those creatures. Even thought Colette was trying to help as best as she could she knew that she was kinda excluded or different from the other five but she didn’t mind, they treated her like always, like they were all a team and after the evening they decided that they’d investigate further. During the day they’d gotten more information about the choices they had for their futures, Minho and Colette would become guards and got to the fence trying to find out more about the world behind Amity compound from out there. Teresa and Harriet were going to train to become instructors themselves or at least rise up in Dauntless to get to more information. Thomas had always been good with computers so he’d try to get some classes in Erudite and get more information about all that stuff from within the network which left Newt with the decision to learn more about the mind, study the body and try to find out more about Divergents which apparently came up somewhere during the conversation as well. Nobody really admitted anything obviously they were all too afraid to say something but it just kinda fell into line with the whole dreams and memories things. They decided to meet as often as they could to get up to date and compare what everyone found out till they could eventually try to move further wherever that would lead them.

 

 

 ----------------------

 

 

WICKED Memorandum; Date 232.2.38, Time 19:47

TO: Ava Paige, Chancellor

FROM: Amelia O’Mara

UPDATE OF THE CHICAGO TRIALS, Group A & B

 

 

Subjects from Group A and B have joined forces and are slowly starting to remember.

I have successfully infiltrated the group and am now preparing for them to get their memories back.

Proceeding with the plan as agreed.

Tomorrow we will find out if the subject we have the most hope in will turn out as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter I know but I had to cut it in half because what follows won't be pretty at all - sorry.


	8. What's the thing you need to go on?

_"They’re keeping what’s behind Amity compound like a freaking well guarded secret, nobody’s bugging talking about it or rather nobody knows anything, there aren’t even hints of anything existing out there – for all we know there is /nothing/ out there"_ Minho explained and looked at his friends who were listening because it was his turn to share what he found out during the last week. There wasn’t anything people were sharing at the fence, nobody knew anything well nothing specific all just stories they heard when they were kids, rumours and things like that but they couldn’t work with that so Minho’s mission had failed so far, as had Colette’s who was mostly at Minho’s side at the fence and out guarding the Amity farms but till now they didn’t really know why or for what reason they were protecting them.

_"People’re are disappearing more and more and from what Tom found out through the network they all were Divergent at least that’s what the files said"_ Teresa began to share what she and Harriet found out of course including Thomas’ researches as well because they mostly all worked together. _"Somebody’s hunting them for whatever reason and recently it’s gotten more obvious so for all we know any of us could be next"_ the girl continued even though they all hadn’t admitted to being Divergent yet they all had a lot in common so they just shared this little thing as well. _"The memories have gotten more and more and now I’m certain that they’re memories and not just some random dreams we’re having…"_ Harriet then said tapping her finger against her chin as she looked through the room at everybody. They all had been experiencing a lot of flashbacks to a place called the Glade surrounded by a gigantic Maze, that’s why they’d all had similar fear landscapes. Minho, Newt and Harriet had been in that place longer, they remembered more faces, even some they knew in the city but didn’t approach them not trusting anybody but themselves. Somehow they all knew that something had been done to their heads, memories had been wiped from their minds and now it was as if they’d lived two lives, one inside the city growing up in a faction and the other one trapped inside a gigantic Maze – nobody knew exactly which one they preferred to be real.

_"I say we get out of the city and as soon as possible… I don’t wanna wait for somebody to bloody kill me or any of you for that matter…"_ Newt said his eyes moving from one of his friends to the next lingering on Thomas a bit longer then on the others - they kinda found out they’d been attracted to each other even during their other live inside the Maze that was probably the reason why they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. They had taken it slowly and now that they studied and worked as well they didn’t have much time to get deeper into a relationship but they tried to spend as much time as possible together mostly just talking of course because they had this connection none of the others seemed to share. Teresa and Brenda hadn’t talked to each other since that big fight at the party and Teresa tried to avoid the other girl as best as she could even though Harriet tried her best to get them back together, she knew how they really felt about each other but their relationship was way more complicated then that.

_"I agree with Newt, better take our chances out there then find certain death in here…"_ Thomas said looking at Newt but he kinda knew that the others agreed with him as well even if they were probably afraid to admit it. _"And how’re we gonna get out? You haven’t really seen all the security at the fence and Amity compound, there’s no way we get out there unseen"_ Colette finally began to speak and looked from Thomas to Newt and back. _"I can hack into the security system and knock it out or at least buy us some time. I’m sure you two can do something to get us through the fence and Newt knows Amity compound better then any of us so we can do this if we work together"_ Thomas said and somehow his words seemed to raise their spirits. _"We can get supplies from the kitchen - Fry will surely get us some without asking questions, he owes me so that’s no problem. We can take the train to the fence and meet you guys there"_ Teresa then took over looking at Minho and Colette who nodded slightly. _"Thomas then can knock out the security system which will be a good distraction as well, we get through the fence and Newt will have gotten us transportation through Amity and out of the city"_ Teresa continued and looked at everyone individually. For a moment they all thought about the plan but it sounded pretty solid even though they were still polishing it for quite some time till everything was set and they left for the evening. They set a last meeting in five days from now and the night after that they’d get the hell out of the city but just three days later their whole plan was thrown into disarray when Thomas got his hands onto a file that showed the next target of the Divergent hunters – so they called them: _Colette_.

The Dauntless born went straight to Newt when he saw the name on the file not even thinking about what his superior would say about him living his workplace in the middle of his shift. _"We gotta get out of here and we gotta go now"_ he said as he finally found the blonde who first didn’t know why the other was acting so strange. _"What’s happened?"_ he wanted to know but Thomas just shook his head, this was not the right place to talk about this so he just grabbed the others wrist and dragged him along back to his apartment where he explained the situation. _"Yes you’re right but we can jump the gun on this, we’ve to be careful"_ Newt said and thought for a moment. _"Okay you get Teresa, Harriet and the supplies. I’ll give word to Minho and Colette and try to get the transportation we need from the fence for tonight but not sooner, not during the day. I’ll meet you at the place we agreed upon at ten"_ Newt explained as he stood up but Thomas grabbed his wrist holding him back because he was about to leave like this. The Dauntless born stood up and pulled Newt closer, wrapping his arms round the others waist and even thought the blonde knew that they didn’t have much time to waste he leaned in, his forehead pressing against Thomas’ looking into his eyes _._

_"You be careful okay? I don’t wanna pick up any pieces of you anywhere…"_ the brunet said trying to smile but the concern ringing in his voice took the upper hand. Newt knew that he was just trying to make a joke and ease the situation but they both knew that it could get pretty dodgy tonight. _"Don’t worry ‘bout me, you bloody don’t get yourself into any trouble while I’m not there to pull you out again, you hear me?"_ the blonde said with his authoritative voice staring into Thomas’ eyes. He’d gotten really close to the boy in front of him and he’d do anything to keep him from harm because he knew that Thomas liked to get himself into trouble. Newt had had to pull him out of some situation in the past few weeks and he’d heard some stories about Thomas before he joined Dauntless so he was always concerned about the brunet. Thomas was the one leaning forward to kiss the others gently and Newt just pressed his body against the others wrapping his arms round his neck taking in as much as he could get before they had to part ways. They’d done this so many times over the past few weeks that he should’ve gotten used to it by now but every time they got that close Newt was overwhelmed with feelings and this time the uncertainty didn’t make it any easier.

Eventually Newt pulled back locking his eyes with Thomas’ not wanting to leave but knowing that he had to, one of his best friends was in danger and they had to get her out of the city as soon as possible. _"Take care"_ he merely whispered before he stepped backwards out of Thomas’ embrace. _"You too"_ was the other boys response and with that Newt left Thomas alone hurrying back to ask someone to cover for him, telling them that someone of his family back at Amity was sick and that he had to go there which would buy him some time. After that the blonde didn’t waste any time, collected his things and took the next train to the fence. It wouldn’t be hard to get through he already had everything planned out because Amity had been his home before he had the right to leave the city and visit his family even though he didn’t have one but he still had friends and one of them would get him and the others out of the city. At the fence Newt searched for Minho and Colette who were both on patrol so he gave word that Minho’s aunt had the flu, the code they had agreed upon if anything’d go wrong. Minho didn’t have an aunt so this was a good excuse to get him out of patrol and back to the fence but Newt couldn’t wait that long, he had to find Mara and get that transportation for tonight.

Everything with Minho and Colette was set at least Newt hoped so when he left the fence on a truck to Amity. When word would reach them, they’d know something had happened and meet him at the meeting point they all had agreed upon, the time had always been ten because they couldn’t do something like this in the  daylight. Newt was tense when the truck rolled over the road to Amity compound back to his old faction or was it? For all he knew Amity, the death of his parents and everything else of his life here was just a bloody lie. The blonde hoped that everything would go according to plan so that they could all just leave the city and find out more about what was out there, maybe even more about who was behind their memory erasure. When the truck finally stopped the sun was already setting behind the farms of Amity, Newt jumped off and took a quick look round - everything looked the same as when he left just a few months earlier but he wasn’t the same.

Without wasting any more time Newt headed the main compound asking people for Mara who he’d contacted just two days earlier and met to discuss the transportation out of the city with her. She knew pretty much everyone in Amity and could get her hands on a truck Newt was able to drive the thing so that wouldn’t be the problem just getting out unseen was the main thing they had to look out for. _"Mara…"_ Newt began when he finally found her trying to repair one of the water pumps in the green houses. The girl was on her feet the moment she heard her best friends voice behind her, she gave him a tight hug and smiled at him, of course she knew something was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t be here but they’d to be careful, even the people of Amity weren’t trustworthy.

The Amity girl excused herself from work and led Newt to a safe place where they could talk. The blonde explained the situation and Mara just turned into action mood, Newt never knew how she did it but she was always a happy girl, always a smile on her lips and laughing but when it came down to things like this she was the one Newt trusted one hundred percent. _"Okay… I already found someone who’ll lend me his truck so that’s no problem we just have to be careful not to get caught or act suspicious. Your friends are coming, right?"_ Mara wanted to know and looked over at Newt who was sitting beside her. _"Yes everything’s arranged, we’ve a meeting point just outside the fence where I’ll pick ‘em up. You just have to be ready with the truck when we come, we don’t have much time"_ Newt explain and Mara just nodded her head, she knew exactly how serious the situation was and that nothing was allowed to go wrong. _"I’ll be there, don’t worry. Just make sure nothing happens to you"_ the girl said and squeezed Newt’s hand slightly even shooting him a small encouraging smile, the boy returned it but it wasn’t as convincing at Mara’s.

It was already dark outside when the two of them joined the others in the dining hall, Newt knew not to touch the bread but he needed some food even though he wasn’t hungry or sure he’d be able to keep anything down. Teresa and Harriet would get some supplies but for all they knew there was nothing outside the city they could just hope to find something before they ran out of supplies. Mara and Newt had a quick dinner before the girl got back to fixing the water pump and later meet him with the truck. Newt made his way back to the fence but this time on foot because it would be too suspicious to get off the truck outside the fence. He’d always been sneaky, was able to move without making much noise and that helped him now as he sneaked towards the fence and the meeting point still hoping that everything worked according to plan.

At a quarter to ten Newt arrived at the small barn just outside the fence where the others would meet him. The next fifteen minutes where nearly unbearable as he watched the fence and the surrounding area, he had a knife in his pocket and a gun in his backpack just to be sure because he hated guns but Thomas had insisted upon bringing one even though Newt told him he’d be better with his knife anyway. Ten minutes after ten Newt was still alone pacing in front of the barn slightly nervous because they were already ten minutes too late. Something had gone wrong… What would he do if that was the case? He couldn’t just go back pretending nothing had happened. Newt held his breath when he heard a noise not far away, he stared into the darkness narrowing his eyes and tightening the grip round the knife in his pocket. _"Who’s there?"_ the Dauntless wanted to know probably not a good reaction but he was too tense to think of something else. _"It’s just us, Newt"_ came Teresa’s voice and Newt took a deep breath when he finally saw her head pop out of the darkness, followed by Harriet and Thomas. They came closer and explained that Thomas had some difficulties to hack the security system of the fence but eventually even created another distraction, now they just needed to wait for Minho and Colette.

Another ten minutes later there was still no sign of the two and now even Harriet got nervous, Newt had calmed down slightly because most of his friends were already with him even though they were still far from safe but everything was better then the unknown. _"What’s taking them so long?"_ Harriet wanted to know and finally Teresa grabbed her hand stopping her from nervously pacing in front of them. _"I’m sure they’ll show up any second now, probably just got lost somewhere. Remember when Colette tried to show us the way to Erudite headquarters? We got lost on the second street already. I bet Minho is already arguing to take the lead"_ Teresa tried to calm the other girl down and it seemed to work because Harriet stopped pacing and just leant against the wall of the barn. It was already half past ten when Thomas looked at Newt, they were standing next to each other watching the surrounding area or more trying to see something in the darkness. _"You think something happened to them?"_ he wanted to know his voice lowered so that Harriet wouldn’t hear him. Newt just shook his head slightly as he looked at the other Dauntless boy. _"I honestly don’t know. When I was at the fence earlier they were on patrol and I just send word to them, maybe something went wrong there and they never got the bloody message?"_ Newt suggested because he couldn’t think of anything else at the moment and he kinda hoped that it was just that.

Suddenly there was movement ahead and Newt froze staring into the darkness trying to make out something. They didn’t bring torches it would be too obvious the moon wasn’t that much of a light source but it was enough to see where they were going. _"Minho?"_ Harriet asked first concern ringing in her voice as she spoke the words. No answer but someone was definitely coming towards them. Thomas and Teresa had their guns already pulled out, Newt had his knife and Harriet was sliding her hand back to were her gun was stuck in the waistband of her trousers. Slowly the figure came close and finally they could see the guys face, it was Minho but something was obviously wrong or else he’d have said something earlier. _"You okay, Minho?"_ Newt wanted to know and then he saw another figure walking behind his friend pointing a gun at the boy. The blonde’s body tensed as did the others when they saw the gun but when they finally were able to make out who was holding the gun the situation began to heat up. Colette had her gun pointed directly at Minho’s back of course a safety distance between her and him so he wouldn’t be able to just attack her.

_"What’s going on?"_ Harriet wanted to know staring at the two who stopped a few metres in front of them, the blonde had still pointed her gun at Minho and he was obviously not going to do anything against it. _"You can’t leave. You’ve to come back with me"_ Colette began her voice was different, stronger and more authoritative which made her sound a lot like Alec, their instructor. _"Are you being serious, Col? Who put a spoke in your wheel?"_ Teresa was now the one to speak but the former Erudite wouldn’t just give in and just glared at her for a moment. _"I’m not joking, Teresa. You’ve to come with me…"_ the blonde began but was interrupted by Teresa again. _"Or else what? You’re gonna shoot one of your best friends?"_ she wanted to know and pointed at Minho who was still really quiet. What followed was even creepier then the change in Colette’s voice: a laugh that sounded a lot like a snort, finding Teresa’s response obviously very amusing. _"You really think I care for any of you? I don’t…"_ she just said with her cold voice and without hesitation she moved her hand and pulled the trigger.

Everything happened way too fast for any of them to react, the loud noise of the gun echoed through the night and the next thing Newt saw was Thomas collapsing beside him followed by a shriek of Harriet. For a moment the former Amity boy just stared at Thomas lying on the ground before he jumped into action kneeling down beside him already pressing his hand against the boys stomach directly onto where Thomas’ had his own already. He could feel the warm liquid on his skin and the more Newt pressed his hand against the wound, tried to stop the bleeding the more blood poured out of the boy beneath him. Thomas was gasping, blood had already formed in the corner of his mouth but no real words came out even though Newt knew he wanted to say something, the Dauntless born was just staring up at Newt a horrified expression on his face. The blonde was working on Thomas’ stomach, trying to stop the bleeding as he pulled his shirt up to expose the wound, catching a glimpse of the boy’s tattoo that was already covered in blood. It was some kind of maze at the bottom that moved up his stomach slowly turning into birds ready to escape and fly away. Obviously the bullet had hit something vital because the moment Newt took his hand away from the boy’s skin blood was pouring out of the wound like a stream _. "No… just hold still"_ Newt said looking up at Thomas’ face when he tried to grab the others hand still trying to say something. The former Amity boy could feel the pressure round his wrist where Thomas’ hand was wrapped round it till slowly the pressure decreased. Panic was building up inside Newt as he stared into Thomas’ eyes but there was no response from the other boy, his hand had dropped to the ground, his mouth was slightly parted and his eyes were staying right through him. Newt had frozen his hands still pressed against the others stomach before he was yanked backwards.

_"We gotta go!"_ he heard a female voice say as his hands were pull from the boys body, his first reaction was to jump back forward again continuing to stop the bleeding, help Thomas somehow but Teresa grabbed Newt’s collar and pulled him away from the others body. Then Newt could finally hear the gunfire and screams surrounding them, the lights that flickered with every shot they took but nothing really mattered as he stared at Thomas’ body in front of him. He wanted to kneel back down, help him, comfort him, tell him that everything would be okay but he was pulled back away from the other boy… the boy he loved. That was one of the only thoughts the blonde had right there, he needed to tell him that he love him, how much he meant to him. Then Newt began to struggle wanting to go back, he even hit Teresa in the stomach as she tried to drag him away from the scene. Harriet now had his other arm and pulled at it then Minho stood in front of him screaming something but all Newt could see was the lifeless body of his boyfriend lying on the ground.

_"Newt! Newt we’ve to go!"_ Minho’s voice finally got through and Newt snapped back, no he had to help Thomas, how could he’ve let that happen? The blonde blinked a few times before he finally realised that they were under attack and not just by Colette. He couldn’t just leave Thomas there, how could he just leave him? Harriet pulled at his arm and Newt began to stumble before he finally turned and began to run. He’d just left the boy who meant the world to him lying in the dirt, all on his own. A pain carved its way from his shoulder through his body but he kept on running hearing the gun fire all round him. How could he just leave him there, he needed to go back and help him… but he knew it was too late and Minho pushed him forward, Harriet was still pulling at his arm as they ran through the darkness of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for everything that broke during this chapter... I'm so, so sorry. )':


	9. Are you ready to die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long and I know it's a short chapter but Christmas and everything go in the way. Next one will be longer but I needed to finish this one this year so enjoy.

The lights were dimmed but not completely out because nobody in the room was able to sleep. A few days ago they had ran through the night and somehow managed to get to the meeting point where Mara was waiting for them with the truck but they had no use for it anymore, not yet anyway, not after what happened and now they were staying in Amity. Amity was the peace compound and for now the Dauntless were safe here but for how long would Amity tolerate them because they all knew that eventually the others wouldn’t play anymore if Divergents were involved. _"I say we should just get the hell out of here. I’m sure that Mara chick can get the truck back and we can still leave all this shit behind"_ Brenda said from the other side of the room, she had been the one to get them out of the danger zone, Newt didn’t really know what exactly happened he’d just listened to the few conversations they had round him and Brenda came up. How Teresa was mad at her for following and literally spying on her and now they were all in trouble, that she still hated her and why she’d even care – all this stuff but Newt didn’t really care. He hadn’t said a word since they arrived in Amity, Mara had to help him wash up and clean the wound on his shoulder, a bullet went right through it, they had all gotten new clothes to fit into Amity if they were to leave the room but they all knew that they couldn’t stay here forever.

_"Nobody even asked you to come, Brenda…"_ was Teresa’s answer, she was still mad and would probably stay that way, nobody really knew what really happened between them when they broke up, not even Harriet, Teresa wasn’t one to share her feelings like that and neither was Brenda. Newt never really got along with Brenda, she was too sarcastic and clingy, not like Harriet in a good way, but more like an totally annoying way and the fact that she obviously didn’t really care that they’d lost one of them made Newt angry. The blonde was sitting on the ground leaned against the wall still staring at his hands which were clean since Mara washed them when they arrived, the blood was gone but the smell was still there and all he wanted was to go back to the moment before Colette pulled the trigger. Maybe Newt would’ve been able to jump in front of the bullet or try to push Thomas out of the way, if he’d just reacted a bit faster. All his friends kept on telling him that it wasn’t his fault and that nobody could’ve done anything to prevent things from happening but Newt knew that if he’d been more on alert he should’ve been able to do at least something.

_"Well now I’m here and nobody of you idiots is doing a thing…"_ Brenda retorted and this was the final straw for Newt because Brenda had been complaining and ranting about stuff like for days now that so he just jumped up and went straight for the female. Maybe it was the moment of surprise but Brenda was at first totally caught off guard when Newt’s fist nearly slammed into her jaw, she was able to block it with her hand and then Minho and Teresa were already there to pull Newt away but she was just staring at the blonde in disbelieve for a second. _"What the hell?! What’s wrong with you?"_ she hissed at him and was on her feet just a moment later ready to fight with Newt. _"How dare you, how bloody dare you talk like this! We just lost To…"_ the former Amity started but wasn’t even able to say his name when it came to it, he just struggled to get free. _"Let me go, I can’t bloody take her anymore…"_ Newt said and brushed Minho and Teresa’s hands off of him before he just walked out all eyes on him.

It was dark outside, the middle of the night so nobody else was round when Newt walked the compound all on his own, heading out for the fields to just be alone, he didn’t want to talk to anybody or heard any: 'it’s not your fault’s', he just wanted to be alone. The boy could feel the tears forming in the corner of his eyes but he’d pushed them away since they fled the scene, he wasn’t one to show his emotions like this, he was a Dauntless and Dauntless didn’t act like that. No, he was a Glader, second-in-command to one of his best friends and he was ought to lead them when Alby died. All this faction stuff was just a lie, another of WICKED’s bloody tests to see what was going on in their brains, Newt knew that now and he was determined to show these people that they couldn’t just play with them like this.

_"We have to fight back. We can’t just let them do whatever they want to us"_ Newt said when he got back to the room they were all staying in. Obviously they had all talked to Brenda because she didn’t give a sarcastic comment of that kind not even when Newt just returned without apologising or saying anything. Of course the statement gave some questions and Minho was the one who started first. _"And how we’re gonna do that? I mean Erudite and Dauntless are obviously working together…"_ he started but Newt interrupted him. _"I’m not talking about the city. I’m talking about WICKED… If we take them down I’m sure we’ll be able to deal with the city and it’s bloody bad people as well"_ the blonde explained and now they were all silent just looking at him. _"I know we’re just a handful but if we don’t at least try then… Tommy died for nothing and I can’t have that…"_ he said and looked at his friends. Newt knew that Brenda was on the verge of screaming at him if he’s crazy to even bring that organisation up. He didn’t know if it was Harriet or someone else who’d let Brenda in on their whole plan but she was up-to-date even on their dreams and now probably even on what happened between Thomas and Newt.

_"I’m freaking in"_ Minho said first punching his fist into his hand to show how determined he was and that he meant what he said. _"I say we show them who’s boss and that they can’t do whatever they like to us"_ he added and looked at the others in the room. Mara had joined them some time after Newt left earlier and wouldn’t leave or stay behind. _"I agree. After remembering all of… this I’m totally in"_ Harriet agreed nodding her head slightly just to emphasise what she just said. _"I’m in too"_ Mara said moving a few steps to stand beside her best friend. Teresa looked from Newt to Minho and stopped at Brenda who was still sitting on the ground leaned against her bed. Everybody could see how intense she looked and how much she wanted to say something but obviously the others had forbidden it or else she’d have already said hundreds of insulting words. _"Yeah, I think that’s a better plan then just head out into the unexpected"_ Teresa finally agreed with the others and now it was obviously too much for Brenda _. "You’re all idiots to even think about going there. For all we know they’re already listening in and expecting us. From what you told me they’re like everywhere, we should just go the other way. I know it’s hard to just accept that Thomas’ is… gone but I myself don’t want to get killed like this as well"_ Brenda said and the way she said it made Newt finally understand that she did care, probably not for him or Minho or Mara or any of the people in the city but she cared for Teresa and she had cared for Thomas as well - she was obviously just really bad in showing it.

_"I bloody get it, Brenda, all of it. If I was in your position I wouldn’t want to risk my life for something like that as well so if you just wanna stay here or just go, nobody’ll blame you"_ Newt said finally looking at the older Dauntless. For a moment there was silence again till Brenda began to shake her head _. "You really think I’d let you idiots go there alone? Not a chance…"_ she finally said her old voice back but Newt knew better, she was afraid, afraid of loosing any of them especially Teresa and even if he himself had already lost the person closest to him, he understood the girl just too well. _"Well then, I think we should go as soon as possible. As Brenda said earlier, they may already be watching or listening in so we can’t waste any more time"_ Newt continued but then came the question they all had probably be thinking of. _"Where to?"_ Mara asked but nobody answered because nobody really knew. Most of them had already been in WICKED headquarters or whatever that facility was where the Maze was build but where it was located – none of them knew. _"Outside the city. It has to be out there, they wouldn’t hide in here"_ Newt said and looked at his friend who obviously agreed with him.

About two hours later they were all on a truck out of Amity compound out into the unexpected, whatever they’d find out there would definitely change their lives, had already change their lives. They didn’t know where to go, what to expect, what would happen when they got wherever they were going to but they knew why they were doing what they were doing and that was enough for them to be determined to get there. Mara was driving the truck, Newt was sitting next to her the others were in the back, they hadn’t really talked since they left the compound but nobody really wanted to talk either so they just drove. When the sun finally started to get up they could see the desert stretch ahead of them, there was nothing beside sand as far as they could see and this wasn’t something to be looking forward to. They’d packed some supplies for the road, fuel to refill the truck twice but after that there was nothing they could do and if they were stuck out in the middle of the desert they’d probably just die of heat or thirst.

The sun was above their heads already sinking towards the horizon again when they stopped and made a break. Newt continued driving from there on, none of the others were able to so Mara and he had to take turns in driving the truck. When it started to get dark they decided that they’d make camp for the night and continue in the morning, they all needed rest especially Newt and Mara who’d been driving the whole day but sleep didn’t come easily and when Newt finally fell asleep it was just a light one with nightmares, seeing Thomas die over and over again, back in his fear landscape and on the field, right in his arms. The former Amity was the first one to wake up when a strange noise grew louder obviously coming towards them. Without hesitation Newt was in a sitting position and a moment later his head was stuck out of the back of the truck where they were all sleeping. The blonde had heard such a strange noise before at least he thought he had, it was still strange to determine what was real and what wasn’t with two lives inside his head but Newt already had a picture in his head when he heard the noise for the first time: a helicopter or plane even though it sounded a bit different.

_"Guys! Something’s coming"_ the former Amity told the others who woke up nearly immediately already hearing the strange noise themselves. _"What’re we gonna do?"_ Mara asked with a worried voice from behind Minho who was already on his feet and beside Newt at the entrance of the truck. _"Who knows, probably they aren’t even looking for us…?"_ Minho suggested but they all knew that no helicopter was out here in the desert without a reason and there was no better reason then people on the run. _"We gotta hide…"_ Harriet said already pulling at Newt’s shoulder to get a peek outside. It was still dark and they couldn’t make out from which direction the sound was coming from so Newt decided to jump out of the truck followed by Minho and the others. _"There is no place to hide… Maybe it’s for the best? They come and either pick us up or well… kill us"_ Newt said and turned round himself trying to find the source of the noise. The blonde was kinda right, they had no place to go and hide they were in the middle of the desert and besides sand there was nothing so they could either just run and probably die out there somewhere or wait and find out what whoever was on that plane wanted.

A few minutes later light appeared ahead of them and they all lined up staring at the oncoming aerial vehicle awaiting whatever would come. The light grew bigger by the second coming closer and now they were all sure the helicopter was heading for them till it was in sight. It was a very large vehicle bigger then a helicopter but not really a plane either, the light was coming from a big spotlight fixed on the outside now pointing directly at them. Newt didn’t know why but when he looked into the spotlight he remembered the moment when he was racing towards the ground that other day when Teresa asked them to come along for the first time. It had been such a free feeling as if he was flying and nothing could ever hurt him and he’d done it because Thomas had promised that he’d love it, he’d trusted him and the boy had trusted him and now he was gone. Newt closed his eyes trying to get the pictures out of his head, that was the last thing he needed right now.

The vehicle touched down on clawlike landing gear and a hug cargo door in its belly began to open, light was coming out of the crack growing with every second till the door touched the sand beneath it. The friends looked at the strange vehicle waiting for someone to come out through the open door and shoot them but nothing happened. _"Should we go in? I mean they’re here for us, right?"_ Brenda suggested and nobody had anything to say against it because standing out here wouldn’t do them any good either so they decided to just go in. Newt was first he just walked right up the cargo door and into the strange plane. It was illuminated inside and way bigger then it looked from the outside. There was a door ahead the only one leading out of the cargo room so the blonde headed towards it and just pulled it open – it led to a corridor with more doors. Behind them the cargo door began to squeak as it started to close again, so there was no other way they had to go further into the vehicle and so they did following Newt down the corridor and to the door at the very end. When the blonde had nearly reached the door it was opened from the other side and what he saw made him stop abruptly, making Minho ran directly into him. _"Ah yes. We’ve been expecting you…"_ it was Thomas, alive and unharmed but he was looking right through him as if he didn’t even knew him.


	10. How about I just give up?

_"Tommy…"_ Newt barely whispered as he looked at the other boy in front of him, the one he thought was dead and he’d never see again, the one he’d grown really close to, the one who meant the world to him and yet Thomas looked right through him. The sadness and terror could be heard in the blondes’ voice just with one small word; sadness because the one he loved didn’t even recognise him and terror because he was terrified of loosing Thomas yet again – or had he already lost him? Thomas just looked down at him and the others as if he thought he was superior to all of them which was probably true, he’d made first place during Dauntless initiation and he was the one who found the way out of the Maze, didn’t give up hope but what now? What had they done to Thomas now?

_"Thomas!"_ Harriet’s voice echoed from behind, she’d obviously not heard his words from before and then Newt felt somebody bushing him aside as the girl made it to the front ready to embrace one of her best friends but in that moment Thomas reacted as if he thought Harriet would attack him and hit her right in the face making the girl fall backwards onto the ground. A groan came from Harriet when she hit the floor and then a whine as her hand wandered towards her jaw holding it, obviously Thomas had hit hard. _"What the hell?!"_ Teresa’s voice came from behind as she was already at Harriet’s side. Brenda was in front of them ready to defend them if Thomas’d try another time but he just looked at them with such hatred in his eyes. Teresa looked right at Thomas staring him down but she’d realised that something was wrong the moment he opened the door, Harriet was probably too overwhelmed to see him again. Minho was standing in front of Mara yielding her with his body as it seemed he was trying to protect her like Brenda did with the other two.

_"I apologise, I thought she wanted to attack me. Please, come it. Make yourself a home. We’ll bring you directly to our headquarters"_ Thomas explained making way for the others to enter the passenger room of the plane or at least it looked that way. There was an area for them to sit with comfortable looking couches and tables, on the other side there was a bar, even food and something to drink – what was going on? It all looked so inviting as if they wanted them to trust them and to make them believe that everything was going to be okay - again. Newt remembered the moment they left the Maze and Chuck got killed by Gally, there were men dragging them out telling them everything was going to be fine lulling them into a false sense of security just to crush everything moments later – was this the same? _WICKED is Good_. Those words somehow came to his mind when he walked over to the couch trying to not look at Thomas who closed the door behind them when they finally managed to get Harriet back onto her feet but he couldn’t help himself, for days he’d thought he was dead and now he was alive, he looked like nothing happened but obviously too much of nothing… no Maze, no Chicago. How could Newt loose Thomas another time?

They could feel the plane taking off just a slight vibration then it was still again but they all were aware that they were in the air flying direct to WICKED headquarters. Newt sat down onto the couch but didn’t lean back, not even trusting the sofa as it was way too comfortable, he was tense and he noticed that his friends didn’t trust the surrounding area as well. Brenda was pacing through the room, Teresa was besides Harriet who was still holding her jaw and Minho was right beside Mara, had obviously taken over the role of her protector and Newt was just forcing himself to not look at Thomas which was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done. The other boy was sitting on a chair right across the room, he seemed more relaxed then he should be but he was obviously watching them.

The flight lasted several hours, there was no watch in the room but Newt was sure it had at least been eight hours since they entered the plane it had to be day already but there were no windows in the room so he couldn’t say for sure. Mara and Harriet had fallen asleep on the couch some time ago, Minho was still sitting beside Mara on the floor leaning against the wall. Brenda and Teresa were again arguing about something in one of the corners and Newt was still sitting on the couch but now leant back trying to relax at least a bit who knew what might await them. Thomas was still in the same position across the room in his chair, he hadn’t moved the whole journey only once when he stood up to pick up some kind of device and left the room for a few minutes. He was tenser when he came back, Newt knew Thomas probably better then he knew himself at least concerning his body language.

With a slight shake the plane obviously landed because Thomas stood up and walked towards the door they came in a few hours ago. Teresa woke Harriet and Mara, Harriet’s jaw was already blue and yellow from where Thomas had hit her so it had to hurt, his own shoulder was still hurting as well. Mara had tried to comfort the other girl the few hours after they entered the plane like Teresa did till she eventually just passed out. _"Please follow me"_ Thomas just said as he opened the door, the others just looked at him first Newt thought they were going to refuse to follow him but they didn’t have any other options if they wanted to find out more about what was happening. Newt was the first to walk over to Thomas but he didn’t look at him just went straight out of the room and back to the cargo room. The big door was already open and leading onto a roof as it seemed because the surrounding area was just open space till Newt made his way out of the plane. They were in the middle of a forest on top of a building, there was nothing but wood surrounding them, the whole opposite to the desert they’d been in during the night. This world was just _wrong_ – Newt thought as he walked further towards the edge of the building. A railing was surrounding it but that wouldn’t keep anybody from jumping especially not someone who was a Dauntless.

Newt looked down and saw a small river flowing by the building some birds just landed on the trees below, everything seemed as if it was an idyllic world and Newt just wanted to join them he knew that when he’d turn round Thomas would be there but it wasn’t his Tommy, no anymore. Eventually the blonde gave in and turned, his friends had made it out of the plane as well followed by Thomas who was always close by. _"This way"_ he just said and walked over to an entrance. Thomas pulled the door open and entered the building through a staircase which was leading downstairs, the other followed. The boy lead them through some corridors, he obviously knew where he was going, to Newt it looked like a labyrinth of corridors, everything was white and looked a lot like a hospital, reminding him of his last fear in his fear landscape which made him shudder.

_"Girls this way, guys that way"_ Thomas said in his still strange sounding very calm voice as he pointed towards two doors. _"No way in hell we’re gonna split up here, man"_ Minho said stepping to the front without hesitation. _"Do you really want to watch the girls change and shower?"_ Thomas asked raising one of his eyebrows questioningly as he looked at the Asian boy who just narrowed his eyes staring back. _"Hmpf…"_ he just said and turned to look at Teresa, obviously he didn’t like Brenda as well at least he wasn’t best friends with her. _"I’m not trusting them…"_ he just said and the dark hairs girl just nodded. _"Don’t worry, Minho-boy, I got this"_ she retorted and laid an arm protectively round Mara’s shoulders. Newt wasn’t really paying any attention if he would have then he’d have noticed that there was obviously something going on between Minho and Mara but all the blonde could think about was Thomas who was still acting as if he didn’t know them.

They followed Thomas’ instructions and went through the doors he pointed out for them, Minho staying close to Newt just to be sure. It looked like a bathroom with towels and new clothes but still the strange and familiar looking feeling didn’t leave Newt’s stomach. _"Looks like the freaking showers in Dauntless compound… How much I hated them. The showers in the Glade were even better"_ Minho ranted but grabbed one of the towels tossing one over to Newt who just barely caught it. The Asian boy looked at his best friend knowing that he must feel horrible but not really knowing what to do. _"You know you look like a cat that has just fallen into a pool, right?"_ he just said and got a roll of Newt’s eyes in response. _"I seriously can’t imagine what you’re going through, man, but believe me I’d love to kick some WICKED asses just as bad as you do"_ Minho said as he walked over to one of the shower cabins and Newt was glad that the other boy didn’t want him to talk about stuff like feelings, he couldn’t talk about any of it right now.

Slowly Newt made his way to one of the other shower cabins and started stripping his dirty clothes off just tossing them onto the ground because he was sure he’d never see them again anyways. The moment the water first hit his body the blonde shuddered slightly, the water was warm but the tenseness of his body didn’t decrease, it maybe even made it worse. Newt closed his eyes and just let the water ran down his body for several minutes not wanting to move. The water of the shower turned into rain and somehow the blonde remembered something from a few weeks ago, when Thomas had dragged him along to get train riding but they got into a heavy storm and were wet to the bones in a moment till they finally found shelter in one of the empty Factionless sector houses. They had to wait for the storm to pass because the rain was so heavy they weren’t able to see their hands in front of their eyes. Eventually they fell asleep and had to hurry back in the morning to not miss training. How much he missed their time together, they mostly just spend it with talking during their time in Dauntless of course he remembered their time in the Glade too, their nights in the Deadheads and that they’d had taken their relationship further then just kissing and making out. How much he missed it to just lay in Thomas’ arms and listen to the other boy’s heartbeat and breathing. How much he missed his Tommy.

When Newt opened his eyes again he was back in the shower, he took a deep breath and turned the water off before drying himself and putting new clothes on. Not until now he noticed that Minho wasn’t out of the shower yet so he just waited but after a few minutes the blonde got suspicious and moved towards the shower cabin he’d watched his best friend disappear in earlier. _"You okay in there?"_ he asked and waited for a response but none came so he slowly opened the door. _"I’m warning you, if I see your bloody naked ass I’m gonna kick it right back to the Glade…"_ Newt said as he slowly pushed the door open. To his surprise the cabin was empty, the water was still running but there was no Minho or any sign of him. The blonde moved backwards out of the cabin again maybe he’d looked into the wrong one? Slowly he pushed the next door open but again nothing, not even running water. Concern started creeping up inside Newt as he looked into every shower cabin but there was no sign of his best friend anywhere. _"Minho?!"_ Newt asked a bit louder now but still no response so he headed for the door nearly running into a guy outside. _"Ah, you’re finished"_ he said and Newt nearly jumped back at the sight of the man. It was the same man as in his fear landscape, the one who looked like his mother had been a rat. _"Who the bloody ‘ell’re you and where’s Minho? And the others?"_ Newt demanded to know staring the man down. _"Oh don’t you worry, Mr. Newton. You’ll see them again very soon. If you’ll follow me, please. I’ll bring you to them"_ he said way too nice for his ugly face before he started walking.

Newt followed rat-man through the building which he still thought looked a lot like a hospital and somehow the deja-vu of his fear landscape didn’t leave his mind. Finally the guy opened a door and stepped through it, Newt followed without thinking before the door closed again behind him. Now they were in a room everything was white and then rat-man turned towards Newt. _"Very well. I’m sure you’re asking yourself why you’re here and what we’ve done to your… boyfriend"_ the guy started immediately attracting Newt’s attention. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at the guy in front of him, of course they’d been watching them, they’d been watching while they were in the Maze as well and now… well Newt didn’t know what’d happen. _"As we’ve observed you and your little friends have your memories back so you’re aware of WICKED and out project to cure a disease with the help of your killerzones. We still need a lot of data to create the cure and that’s why we wiped all of your memories and replaced them with new ones before we put you all into the city. As it seemed your killerzones are more advanced then we thought that’s why you slowly started remembering and could tell what was just planted and what was the truth, really remarkable if I’m allowed to say so"_ rat-man began to explain and with every word Newt got angrier. Somehow the guy treated them just as some kind of test objects, as if they didn’t have feelings or anything.

_"We’ve collected a lot of data during the Chicago Trials, a lot of very good ones but there’re still some aspects we need to cover and you’re one of the /better/ subjects. Remarkable how you started remembering even weeks before the others had their first dream, of course Mr. Edison was still ahead of you but just remarkable"_ the guy continued and if Newt didn’t need to get more information out of the guy he’d have killed him right there. _"Now to your boyfriend. As you’ve surely observed we’ve treated his wounds and wiped his memories to replace them with new ones just like we did with all of you before the Chicago Trials. Now he just follows orders, our orders and our orders are to kill you"_ rat-man said and Newt thought he’d heard wrongly but a smile appeared on the guys face before he stepped back a few steps. _"You on the other hand we’re just advising to pick your weapon and kill him before he does the same to you because rest assured he definitely will. Oh and one last thing though… if you refuse we’ll kill your friends, one every five minutes"_ the guys voice was cold like ice but amusement rang in there as well or did Newt just mishear? No his ugly face told him that he was telling the truth and when behind him the wall disappeared and his friends were standing there a gun pointed at each of their heads Newt stepped backwards. What the hell was going on?

_"You can’t bloody do this!"_ Newt merely screamed at rat-man before he jumped at him without thinking but just crashed into a nearly invisible glass wall. The blonde crashed to the ground groaning before he was on his feet again just glaring at the guy in front of him who looked kind of amused. _"Don’t even try. We’ve installed safety measures before you were even picked, now choose your weapon and fight for your friends. You’ve five minutes…"_ rat-man nearly commanded and then Newt saw a table just in the corner of his eyes on which a punch of weapons were placed. When Newt turned he saw some guns and knifes but he refused to pick any. He had the choice between killing the one he loved and loosing his other friends – what kind of world was this were you were forced to choose between two such horrible things? Newt was just staring at the guns in front of him, no, he wouldn’t even touch it, if Thomas wanted to kill him so be it, he wouldn’t even defend himself but then his friends were there again, if he wouldn’t be able to kill Thomas within five minutes they’d start killing them and the blonde knew that they weren’t just joking.

_"One minute"_ rat-man’s voice echoed through the room but still Newt refused to pick up a weapon, he couldn’t hurt Thomas even if he didn’t even recognise him, he wouldn’t fight him. Maybe he’d kill him quick and his friends would be allowed to live? Newt tried to find a way out of the situation but there was none, nothing he could think of would stop Thomas from following orders or those WICKED people from shooting his friends. A sound echoed thought the room, a door unlocking and then opening was heard. Newt turned his head to look into the direction the noise came from: the other side of the room where Thomas entered. He was still looking as handsome as the first time he laid eyes upon him when he came up through the Box, looking exhausted and totally confused, now there was something within those expressions: hatred or at least it looked like it but still Newt could never hurt him.

The door behind Thomas closed and now they were locked in together, only one of them would leave alive and it wouldn’t be Newt because he still refused to pick up a weapon or even move. From the corner of his eyes he could still see rat-man standing behind the glass watching them but Newt’s eyes were just fixed on Thomas. His Tommy. _"Tommy… You don’t have to do this. I know you remember deep down. You can’t just leave me here again… I’m… I can’t do this…"_ Newt merely whispered the last few words but obviously Thomas either didn’t hear him or didn’t care probably the latter one because he started moving forward towards the blonde. Newt just stayed still knowing that Thomas would probably hit him in the next few seconds but he didn’t care, he didn’t care about the physical pain he’d cause him, the pain inside his chest would still be worse. Newt felt tears building up in his eyes and so he just closed them not able to look at Thomas anymore that was just a moment before something hit his jaw and he crashed backwards into the wall. A second later Thomas was on top of him, he could already feel his hands round his throat as they started to squeeze but at the same time he could smell the other boy’s scent. Newt now looked up into Thomas’s eyes, he didn’t even struggle, he just stared into the eyes he loved so much feeling the pressure round his throat tighten.

Slowly Newt parted his lips not even trying to get air into his lungs he just needed to say something, needed to let Thomas know… _"I… love you…"_ he barely whispered already feeling dizzy, the edges of his vision blurry as he kept on staring up into Thomas’ eyes till even he started to become blurry. Newt blinked a few times till eventually it was hard to keep his eyes open, breathing was out of question, the room had already begun to disappear and Thomas had already gone from his vision so why should he even fight to keep his eyes open? So he just let them closed till eventually everything just stopped.


	11. Epilogue

_"Thomas?!"_ The whole world shook. Something was shaking him. An earthquake? _"Thomas! Wake up, Thomas..."_ he knew the voice but couldn't remember which face it belonged to. The voice seemed to come from far away. Thomas? Was that his name? Did the voice call him? The world round him was black, just a few moments before there had been a white light illuminating the room. There had been this boy with the blonde hair and this sweet smile he was drawn to so much. He knew that this boy meant the world to him but he couldn't gasp why and how he knew him. _"Thomas! You gotta wake up..."_ the female voice said again, louder now but the shaking didn't stop till he suddenly felt the air leaving his lungs, his throat didn't let any air in. He was gasping and desperately trying to breath but he wasn't able to even get the air into his mouth. His throat hurt, he could feel pressures round it but because of the blackness surrounding him he couldn't see what it was. The shaking continued and he felt that all air had now left his lungs but somehow he'd just stopped to even try getting air into his lungs. _"Thomas, for the love of god, wake up...!"_ He just closed his eyes because somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was okay to just let go, it was okay to die.

A hard slap to his face finally woke Thomas up, he gasped and tried to get as much air into his lungs as he possibly could with one breath but it hurt. The brunet opened his eyes and stared up at a girl that was leaned over him holding his arms down by his wrists. Brenda had climbed onto his bed because he was having nightmares again. For a moment Thomas didn't know where he was or who the girl was, started to struggle to get free because he was afraid she might be the one trying to choke him. _"Get off of me!"_ he nearly yelled at her but Brenda was very strong for her size and she'd done this so many times in the past two years so she knew how to handle Thomas having nightmares even though she couldn't do anything else besides making sure he didn't choke himself to dead. _"It's alright, Thomas. It's just me... Brenda"_ she told him in a calm voice slowly letting go of his wrists but ready to fight him off again because he still seemed confused.

Since the incident which happened nearly two years ago Thomas hadn't been the same. Brenda couldn't even imagine how Thomas must have felt after what he'd done. He'd been damaged, not just his body or behaviour, his brain wasn't working properly anymore, maybe a defensive mechanism so he wouldn't remember what actually happened but since the day they escaped to this place Thomas had been different. Most of the time he couldn't even remember his own name, Brenda hadn't seen him smiling even once since they got here, sometimes she thought his mind had just left his body and this was just an empty shell that was left behind. The events of their escape were horrible, so many lost their lives and it was hard for Brenda to see Thomas acting this way because she'd lost so much as well that day and she hated remembering it every fucking night.

 _"Brenda..."_ Thomas finally said and seemed to recognise her at last. The girl leant back and finally started to relax. Every night it was the same torture, for nearly two years now Thomas started screaming and then choking himself, Brenda knew what he was dreaming about but she couldn't do anything to help him. _"I'm sorry..."_ Thomas said looking down in shame because he could see how hurt the girl in front of him was and he was the cause. What had he done to upset her this much? The brunet tried to remember but his throat was still burning but his breath had slowed down so he finally sat up. _"It's okay.. It's not your fault"_ Brenda said and finally stood up stretching her neck and arms trying to feel them again after putting all her energy into holding down Thomas. The boy looked at her with a confused look, if it wasn't his fault whose fault was it then? Nobody else was round and she'd tried to hold him down so it had to be his fault. Then the bright smile of the boy from his dream came back into his mind and he looked up at Brenda again searching for some words but there weren't any so he didn't even open his mouth.

 _"Want something to eat? I'm awake now so I can also make something"_ she said and walked across the room. They were in a small cabin with not much furniture besides their two beds and a table with three chairs. There were some cabinets at the other side of the room where Brenda was heading, it looked like the kitchen but there wasn't actually anything that looked even nearly like an oven or running water. Then Thomas remembered where they were and finally sat up himself. _"Not hungry..."_ he just said and pulled the blanket aside. Brenda turned to look at the boy again whose feet had touched the floor but he didn't stand up just yet. _"Never mind. I'm going to make you something anyway"_ she said and turned round towards the cabinets again. Thomas blinked a few times before he closed his eyes again trying to get the smile of the blonde boy back into his mind. Who was he and why did he feel such a strong connection to him? _"Thomas? You alright?"_ Brenda asked when she noticed that he'd closed his eyes and wasn't moving. Thomas looked at her and nodded his head but the girl knew better, she knew exactly what was going on, who he was thinking about but she didn't ask, the memories would be too horrible for Thomas, she'd tried to tell him a few times but the moment he remembered he always broke down. Sometimes Brenda thought it was a punishment for her but first of all for Thomas to relive the moment he killed the love of his life over and over again...

 

///

_"Tommy… You don’t have to do this. I know you remember deep down. You can’t just leave me here again… I’m… I can’t do this…"_ the boy across from him said but Thomas didn't listen, wasn't able to listen because there was one thought drowning out all the other thoughts in his head: _kill the blonde_. He started to move even though he didn't want to, he didn't want to hurt Newt, he could never hurt him but he was going to, he knew he would. _Please, just run! Hit me, knock me out, please just do something..._ Thomas thought but the blonde didn't move, he just kept staring at him. He was struggling to keep his feet from moving his hands from getting up till his fist met the other boys jaw and he crashed backwards into the wall. The next thing Thomas saw was staring down into the others eyes, those precious eyes he loved so much. He could literally see the life leaving the boys body as he squeezed his throat tighter and tighter even though all he wanted to do was to lean down and kiss the blonde, make him feel better, take all the pain away but he didn't have control over his body, all he could do was watch the love of his life die by his own hands...

 _"I… love you…"_ Thomas heard Newt whisper, his eyes covered in tears which were already making their way down his face while he stared up into his eyes not even trying to fight him off. The brunet could feel the tears building up in his eyes as well but it was just the feeling no actual tears came because he didn't have control over it. _I love you too! So shucking much..._ Thomas thought and all he wanted was to do was to tell him, to shout it out so Newt would hear him but he couldn't. The grip round the other boys throat tightened and eventually the blonde just closed his eyes. _No! Please don't leave me...! Please! Newt... Please..._ Thomas was screaming inside his head but the words never even made it to his lips.

Seconds passed which turned into minutes. Then all of a sudden Thomas could feel that the life had finally left the other boys body. Slowly he let his hands slip down laying them onto the blondes chest before he sat down onto his waist still just staring at Newts face for a few moments till it finally hit him. All the emotions came at once and tried to crush him till all of a sudden something snapped inside his head. Thomas was on his feet again running till he finally found his target, he didn't know what was going on round him all he wanted to do was smash the mans face in. The two males crashed to the ground and over and over again Thomas' fist hit rat-man's face. He could actually hear his jaw break till he just took his head into his hands and smashed it against the floor repeatedly. _"Thomas..."_ a female voice said and he could feel a hand on his shoulder so he just jumped up and forced her down with him but before he could continue someone pulled him off the girl holding him back. Thomas struggled trying to get free and even hitting the boys stomach really hard which nearly caused him to let go of the brunet. _"Thomas... it's me Harriet. Please, it's over..."_ the girl said with a calm voice looking at Thomas who still tried to fight Minho off.

When Thomas finally calmed down he slit to the floor, his shirt and hands covered in blood, Minho collapsed beside him holding his stomach where Thomas had hit him. Nobody said anything till Thomas looked up, his eyes scanning the room, not really sure what he was looking for till it hit him again. Newt was dead. Brenda was sobbing just a few metres away from him, she'd her arms wrapped round a body tightly, Thomas knew that it was Teresa but he didn't feel anything for her. Minho had crawled over to help somebody up, it was Newt's best friend Mara. A lot of other bodies were laying on the ground, none of them were moving. Then he spotted rat-man, he wasn't moving either. His face covered in blood and not even this image made Thomas feel anything, everything was just numb.

 

///

 

Thomas was sitting next to a tree at the edge of the nearby woods just staring into space. Brenda always kept a close eye on him because he was unpredictable at times. _"Another nightmare?"_ a male voice beside her asked and Brenda just turned to face the Asian boy. _"Yeah one of the really bad ones. I was barely able to wake him up..."_ she told Minho. _"It's been nearly two years now and he doesn't seem to get any better. It's horrible to watch..."_ Brenda said and just looked down. Minho just nodded his head, he didn't know what to say. They'd talked about this so many times, in the first year they'd all slept together in one cabin so he knew how Thomas could get when he was having a nightmare or a memory came back but there was nothing they could actually do to help him. Now that he was sharing a cabin with Mara he just came by every day to check up on the two of them but it wasn't like when they were living together.

All of a sudden Thomas was on his feet and start run into the forest behind him. Minho was the first to react already on his heels, Brenda behind him but not nearly as fast as Minho and not even he was able to reach Thomas in time. The brunet stopped just a few metres in front of the cliff. The salty air was messing his hair up, pushing against his body from all sides while he slowly took another step towards the edge already hearing the waves breaking against the cliffs below. _"Thomas!?"_ Minho's voices echoed through the air but was nearly completely drowned out by the noise of the wind and the waves. Brenda nearly crashed into Minho who'd stopped just a few metres behind Thomas now slowly moving towards him. _"Come back, man. Please don't do this..."_ Minho said with a shaking voice trying to talk his friend out of jumping because this was what Thomas was about to do. The brunet had never actually tried to kill himself after the got here he barely moved so it was a total surprise for the two that he'd actually run like this. _"Thomas...?"_ Brenda asked carefully but Thomas just took another step and Minho was ready to just reach for the other boy and pull him back when Thomas turned his head and looked at them.

There was a smile on his lips, a genuine one. He hadn't smiles in almost two years but he seemed happy, he seemed at peace. Brenda gripped Minho's arm tightly because she knew already what was going to happen somehow she knew it was for the best, Minho didn't agree so when Thomas just leant back she had to hold the Asian boy back or else he'd have jumped right after him. The brunet just disappeared and that was the moment Minho collapsed to the ground. Brenda was kneeling right beside him still holding his arm not really sure if he wouldn't just jump after him. It took her some time till she was finally able to speak. _"It's okay..."_ she whispered and looked at Minho who was still staring at the edge of the cliff. He was normally the strong one in the group but he'd lost his best friend two years ago, was forced to watch Thomas killing Newt and he didn't even share a tear but now all just hit him like a wave right out of the ocean below them. Everyone was gone but he also knew Brenda was right: it was okay. His two best friends were at peace now, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me some time to finally finish the story for which I'm sorry but here it finally is, the last chapter.  
> I hope you enjoyed the story. I'd love some comments so it can help me with all the stuff I'll write in the future.  
> And thank you so much for reading! (:


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